" My hubby ’s class is very codependent , and it drove me wild over the years . When we first got get hitched with everything had to be run by his parent , and no matter what my opinion was , he always get them have the final say . you may think the fight we had as a result of those feelings . "
Recently, Reddit useru/Lazyassed12asked the community, “To happily married women: What is a major issue you have had toforgive and move pastto have a long and happy union?”
Married women got super candid and revealed important things they “moved past” in order to have a “fulfilling” marriage.
So, here are some pretty darn admirable women who forgave their spouses:
Warning : Some submission admit topics of child abuse and worked up harm . Please proceed with caution .
1.“Since he was suffering from childhood trauma, I could not share my emotions openly. I would have to sort of wait to see if he was emotionally stable enough for me to unload myself on him. He has been able to provide me emotional support, but sometimes I have had to deal with it myself or put it aside to provide support for him because his issue was ‘more damaging’ emotionally.”
— u / strong-4
2.“About six years into dating, my now-husband was not there to support me when my aunt was dying of cancer. We were close, and she and my dad were inseparable. They were those kind of siblings who were best friends — it was really hard on my entire family. Granted I did not say I wanted him with me (and I’ve always been a very blunt person), so he took that as me not needing him. But it hurt.”
" After her funeral and everything died down , we had a really dependable conversation with each other and babble about boundaries and province toward each other moving forward . Whether there were situations where we asked each other to be there , or whether it ’s something that should be understood .
We ’ve both grown a lot since then . It was one of the only major fights we ’ve ever had , and we ’ve been together for over 14 yr now . I think it made us stronger , but that does n’t intend that it did n’t hurt . "
— u / GrizzlyMommaMT
3.“An emotional affair. He claims he didn’t realize he was even doing it (and maybe that’s true), but when you’re deleting messages because you’re worried your wife will see, you should know it’s not appropriate. Now it’s years later and as far as I know, he keeps all his girl friends out in the open and I get a long with almost all of them (or at the very least trust him with them). I’m glad it worked out because we have had some really great times since I forgave him.”
— u / odwalla1
4.“I wore dressy t-shirts, knit blouses, and turtlenecks for work. He would just shove them into the laundry basket to bring them up from the apartment building basement laundry facility, and they’d be incredibly creased by the time they cooled off. This wrinkled-shirts thing was hugely symbolic to me — it meant more than just, ‘I look rumpled or have to iron things.’ That was important. He remembered to take hangers down three times (to put the shirts on as they came out of the dryer), and then stopped. I consciously decided I wanted to stay married, so I had to stop depending on him for this. Divorce wouldn’t have solved anything, and it seemed stupid to get divorced over his inability to remember not to cram my shirts down into the laundry basket. I got my own hamper and did my own laundry, but it was a major, major piece of distancing. To this day I don’t think he knows what a huge blow to our marriage it was. I couldn’t rely on him. It reverberated for years.”
— atomic number 92 / TootsNYC
5.“My husband got drunk, fell asleep on the couch, and dropped our newborn on the floor. He didn’t wake up. I came out of bed after hearing the continuous screams to find our baby face down on the floor. I was so fucking angry. We have since moved past that — he apologized and he no longer gets drunk with the baby in his care. I haven’t forgotten, but I do forgive him. I saw how upset he was with himself.”
— u / knotjust
6.“When we moved in together at the one and half year mark, I told him that I saw moving in together as a definitive step towards marriage. I let him know that I wasn’t comfortable living together long-term without being engaged. For me, that was about a year. I asked him what he thought about it all and he agreed, so I thought we were on the same page. I didn’t see how we’d run into any issues. And yet one year went by, then two, then three. There was no proposal, and every time I brought up marriage, he would stonewall me. He completely shut down and stared into space — I couldn’t say a word. He would sit there on the couch and literally be comatose for hours. We couldn’t talk about itat all.”
" It was so frustrating and upsetting — why would he go me on like this if he was n’t serious about marriage ? Why ca n’t he just verbalize to me like a normal somebody ? How long was I supposed to put up with this ? Truthfully , I spiraled into a pretty mystifying depression for a while . It was some of the worst times of my life .
He finally agreed to go to therapy , and it turned out he had bad anxiousness from his parents ' nasty divorce . That explained why he entirely shut down when the topic came up . Therapy and medication turned things around — we got prosecute about a year after that , and marry this twelvemonth .
But yeah : It took every last ounce of forbearance I had to stay in this relationship during those sentence . I ’m still not glad with how things play out — it ’s not something I look back on with tender memory . I also had a lot of puerility trauma that I worked through on my own as a young adult because I knew it was a problem that I need to handle .
If I had to do it all over again , I would refuse to move in together without being operate first . I recall it would have been better if he worked through his childhood psychic trauma mostly on his own . "
— atomic number 92 / dream_bean_94
7.“My own internal dialogue. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve split and wanted to leave because of my internal issues. He triggered a lot because he wasn’t aware — I wasn’t aware how badly they morphed my interpretations of things. Things have gotten a lot better because we’ve both done the work. I’ve been communicating my needs and wants more accurately and timely.”
— u / MellifluousRenagade
8.“My husband’s family is very codependent, and it drove me wild over the years. When we first got married everything had to be run by his parents and no matter what my opinion was, he always let them have the final say. You can imagine the feelings this caused and the fights we had as a result of those feelings. One day I finally had enough — I explained I didn’t marry his parents, and I could not live this way. We made the decision to leave my home and move to his to get away. It’s not fair to expect me to be under a new parent’s thumb.”
" We ’re still working on boundaries with his parent , but things are better . He ’s even gained the strength and confidence to stand up to them about me multiple clock time . He makes our marriage ( and our family ) the top priority , and let ’s them share an opinion when we view as it necessary .
We ’ve forgive each other for the nasty things we say in our fights and move on with a plan together . We sing it through . Our marriage is deserving the fighting when we ’re struggle for the vulgar goal : Our health and happiness . "
— u / emdehan
9.“In our three decades together, he’s confessed he’s attracted to two of my closest friends (but it didn’t happen at the same time). He even shared his fantasies with each of them.”
— u / Ambersinthedark
10.“I’ve had to accept that my partner and I agree on major things, but disagree on a lot of minor things. We can see situations very differently and I appreciate his view on issues I have rather than the fact he’s a ‘yes man’ in the relationship. But OMG sometimes it would just be nice to not have to explain my view to him. We both have a bad habit of assuming the other person knows exactly how we feel (which has made our communication way better), but it can be frustrating.”
— u / lettucepray123
11.“His STUFF. There is so much clutter in our house because he will never get rid of anything — it drives me nuts. I don’t get too attached to ‘things,’ and am very happy to throw stuff away that I don’t need. But, he will come up with a reason to keep absolutely anything. He gets this from his mom who never threw anything out. And when his parents moved to a smaller house, they downsized by sending us all of his childhood crap. I’m talkin' baby shoes, old beat up toys…don’t get me wrong, I’m as sentimental as the next person. But it’s just ridiculous. I used to get on his case to get rid of stuff, but I’ve just learned to live with it.”
— u / weenawocka
12.“It doesn’t have to be done my way — things don’t have to be 100% clean. If I want it done my way to my standard, then I have to do it. But it’s okay for things to be done to a lesser standard if it means I don’t have to always do everything. He doesn’t clean the way I would, and he will always miss certain things — but at least he’s cleaning, too. I don’t have to love his cooking, but at least he’s cooking so I don’t have to make every meal. As long as he’s trying, we don’t fight about it. I never used to accept ‘good enough,’ but now I do.”
— u / lilplantstagram
13.“My husband hated his job — there was a combination of factors that made the situation he was in particularly bad. He could have taken steps to improve his situation in a different organization or get additional qualifications that would have led to better spots. He whined about work constantly. Yet surprise surprise, when you try nothing, nothing works. I had to learn to stop suggesting the very obvious fixes and tune out his incessant whining. I have little patience for people who won’t do anything to try to improve something that really bothers them.”
— u / VicePrincipalNero
14.“He had to learn (and thankfully did, but not without many arguments) to not feel that his first responsibility was his mom and brothers. It took 10 years to put his partner and kids first. It’s been 10 more blissful ones since.”
— u / jval888
15.And finally: “My father-in-law living with us. My wife and I generally get along and agree on most things, and simply resolve any issues. However, about five years ago, my father-in-law had to find a place to stay ASAP in the middle of winter because the place he was renting burned down. It was supposed to be temporary until he got his feet back on the ground, but then his health took a sudden turn and now he’s with us until he croaks.”
" If we kick him out he ’ll be homeless — his pension is n’t enough to cover what he would need for split / life expenses . While I dislike the adult male , he ’s still her dad and our youngster ’s grandpa . Kiddo loves her grandad to small-arm , and I do n’t desire to take that away from her .
As it is , we end up butting heads every few weeks or so and have come to a tense peace of mind over the years . Do I resent him and the spot ? Yes . But ultimately , the alternative is worse than put up with him for the remainder of his life ( which is in all likelihood going to be less than three eld ) . "
— uracil / LycheeEyeballs
Note : Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clearness .
