Well , they ’re not awry .

1.On astrology:

2.On self-control:

3.On beautiful pet names:

4.On sloths:

5.On achievements:

6.On milk:

7.On names:

8.On language:

9.On slipups:

10.On relaxation:

11.On bogs:

12.On medicine:

13.On facial hair:

14.On breathing:

15.On counting:

16.On fire:

17.On glasses:

18.On getting older:

19.On degrees:

20.On partying:

21.On goodbyes:

22.And on tea:

Someone says they've been having a lot of feelings lately and want to know which planets to blame it on, and someone says "Earth"

"True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn"; response: "Why would the movie eat my popcorn"

Printout of tests, including "Dental Prophylaxis Everything Bagel," "Exam Presurgical Everything Bagel," "Anesthesia General Everything Bagel," "Rabies Everything Bagel," w/caption: "My cat's name makes her vet bills look like fucked-up breakfast orders"

"Sloths aren't lazy; they're just saving their energy; today that energy is released"; response: "this is singlehandedly the scariest fucking post on this hellsite what the fuck"

A cake with icing writing: "Congration you done it"

"I sometimes drink milk straight out of the container"; response: "The COW?!?"

"Looking for gender-neutral pet names"; response: Abu Dhabi

"Bilingual people, what is ia thing that non-bilingual will never understand?" Response: "A second language"

Four examples, including "When I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip up in real life and call people 'My lord'" and "Yesterday I went to Wendy's and the girl said 'Welcome to McDonald's' and then just sighed"

Cartoon with several Pokémon characters at a body of water, with Dragonite the focus, with caption "unbothered, moisturized, happy in my lane, focused, flourishing"; comment, "Pikachu is drowning" and response: "This ain't about him"

"I want to decompose in a bog" well you clearly don't know the first thing about bogs, clout chaser: the bog is like the opposite of decomposition

"Consuming two things that promise to do the opposite of each other has always been hilarious; I imagined mixing a liquid shot-based sleep aid called 6-hour sleep and a 5-hour energy for a 1 hour nap"; response: "mix NyQuil and DayQuil to create Quil"

"Boys who can pull off facial hair are hot"; response: "I think you're supposed to use a razor"

"Humans are involuntary breathers, right?" "Well, not anymore asshole"

"When you count your lips, don't touch till a million"; response: "I get there before two!! 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi"

"Has anyone tried to see if chimpanzees or bonobos could be taught to fully master fire?" Response: "this one guy did and he was chained to a mountain to have an eagle eat his liver every day"

"People associate wearing glasses with being smart, but you have to fail a test to get them"; response: "Hell, they even let us look at the answers"

"Unmarried, childless and approach 30 — what do you do on weekends?" Response: "Does 24 count as approaching 30?" and "As long as you're under 30, you're always approaching 30"

"Someone has to have a degree to cut your hair but not to cook your food"; response: "Cooking typically takes hundreds of degrees; try cooking at egg at 1 degree, yuck"

"u ever go take a piss at a party and as soon as u close the door u feel like ur in a different dimension"; response: "save point"

"Airport employees, what is the saddest goodbye you've witnessed?" "responses: "A Marine saying goodbye to his dog"; "Where was the dog flying to?"

"China, 2,500 years ago: guy 1: hey what should we put in this boiling water; guy 2, an absolute fucking genius: uh, leaves"; response: "did he ever come back and answer the question"