" when someone is babble out about ' protect their peace ' you know they are the out-and-out most helter-skelter individual live " — @1followernodad
I don’t know about you, but I’m physically incapable of logging off the internet on my own, no matter how much I need a break. So I recognize that this would put me out of a job, but I fully agree with this tweet:
All the cyberspace should be is Wikipedia . You should be able-bodied to look up who was the 9th chair or what spiderwebs are made of and that ’s it . Everything else on here is uncomely .
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
Turns out , man and wife * is * hard . My married man just cooked a lasagna for 70 minutes in an oven that was n’t on .
2.
on a regular basis haunted by my own hubris - attempt to set my bf up on a playdate with my coworkers husband because they both “ really like bikes . ” anyway , it wrench out her husband was in the Tour De France
3.
Oh my god I demand this laugh . This is all a rejected campaigner netmail me in response to a course rejection e-mail . I ’m sample to decide if I respond earnestly or not.pic.twitter.com/oq7h8eet4U
4.
The veteran called my 7 year old dog a “ fourth-year ” today which is unimaginable because she ’s just a babe ? ? like … she & i discuss it often abt how she is just a diminutive trivial babe … ? ?
5.
( gaslighting my gen Z girlfriend ) noo babe I was n’t flirting with her … ( remembering a tik tok she sent me ) you belike just do n’t empathise social interactions because you ’re undiagnosed autistic
6.
Being in Italy has made me realize that I can not tell the difference between people speaking Italian and people making playfulness of speaking Italian
7.
me and my 47 alarmspic.twitter.com/RMvftkOWzY
8.
Medieval documentaries : these were impenetrably glum times of low-down poverty and miserableness . And the knight ? a mercenary ruling classMedieval lit : I am so down bad for this fair maid of nobler parentage that I need to kill myself . I wish my cavalry would crush my skull
9.
i almost go home with this guy tonight but he started to keep sense my haircloth and my neck over and over and like making eldritch strait so i leave . bozo will imbibe and come out acting like genus Dracula ,
10.
The CEO of IKEA was just elect Prime Minister in Sweden . He should have his storage locker together by the end of the weekend .
11.
I been crying laughing for an time of day man . My homeboy hire his auto out to ppl on Turo , and somebody rented his Camaro from him for 4 Day proper ? They tinct his windows y all LMFAOOOOOO brought his shit back with tinct window WHY 😭 pic.twitter.com/X9Mb8Pg0yc
12.
In the class of “ shopping is definitely getting bad ” the furniture fellowship that I bought my new chair from emails me upwards of three and four times a 24-hour interval to remind me to … buy the chair I just bribe
13.
always a fine line between being stone enough to think a flick is really sound and being lapidate enough that you ca n’t stop thinking about how you ’re just watch literal masses pretend to be other hoi polloi for money
14.
I got my eyebrows mount and when she was done the esthetician suppose “ I tried to make them even ” and like … yes ? I hope so ?
15.
All right then , keep your secretspic.twitter.com/IwCuF1TIj4
16.
If you give a guy an opportunity to show you a YouTube TV , he ’s gon na want to show you 27 more YouTube video to go with it .
17.
i was pushing my baby out and i asked th MD like “ do he have hair , can you see hair’s-breadth ” mannn that lady gone say “ yea we see a passel of tomentum just not his ” 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 now THAT was embarrassing 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 💀
18.
Remote body of work is so unserious like why am I at a coffee workshop in a meeting about tiktok strategy for my bidet job while my friend across the table gives a presentation about her experience drive the Wienermobile
19.
Just sold this candle to an aged woman who immediately asked for scissor grip , nip off the wick off , then giggled her way out of the computer storage 😂 pic.twitter.com/ZGtkHj7m9q
20.
when someone is talking about “ protecting their peace ” you know they are the inviolable most helter-skelter soul alive
21.
Hey , are you brainsick me ? You ’re not ? Phew ok , well then I ’m blue if you were n’t mad at me before , but then when I asked " are you crazy at me " now you ARE unrestrained at me for ask , or if none of that happened , but now ur mad at me because I said all this ? * stumbles off a drop on intention *
22.
got ta lop for this flick like I ’m boarding a Southwest Flightpic.twitter.com/a2cVWBYtPb
23.
dan and I had been lovingly gaze at each other in silence for a span of seconds and at the same moment I eventually said “ you ’re very handsome ” he ejaculate out “ do you think I ’d be a good mayor ”
24.
Hurry ! You will only have these 2 weeks to wear jackets that do nothing
Don’t miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
I Genuinely Ca n’t Overstate How hysteric These 22 Tweets By Women Are
…or the funniest tweets by women in September!
I Can not exaggerate How Wildly Hilarious These 52 tweet By Women Are
