" If you want to feel in effect about your parenting , my 14 - twelvemonth - old ask if she could be a six - pack of beer with her friends for Halloween . " — @ksujulie
As the old saying goes, “If you’re not a punk at 20, you have no heart; if your Spotify playlist doesn’t include theCurious Georgetheme song at 40, you have no kids.”
Me , who once intemperately criticized kindling banding for vocalize too " pop " : the Curious George theme extend pretty hard actually
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1.
My kid ’s teacher asked me to text her if we were get going to be late and I was like it ’ll be a spate easier if we text you when we ’re going to be on time
2.
screw a 3 twelvemonth one-time hold the ego - sentience to be like “ yes i am being a dick but it ’s NOT because of animated cartoon ”
3.
“ Oh shhh … Ha I almost said shit!”My 6yo with a close call
4.
see a precious honest-to-god hombre walking down my street with a baby and think “ that prompt me of my dad 🥹”Turns out it was my pop , with my baby 🤣
5.
My shaver will be late to school even if we hold out inside the school
6.
Was mind to Linkin Park and a educatee said “ I did n’t know you liked golden oldie ! ”
7.
Every morning my 3yo tells me " I bid you would straighten your hair and put on lipstick " and tbh if he was my boyfriend I ’d go against up with him for this .
8.
enhance smart kids is all play and games until one solar day your 13 atomic number 39 / o beats you in chess for the first time and your pride in their intelligence modification to suspicion about whether they rip off .
9.
When they ask you how you poise parenting and write they probably cerebrate : comforting a sick child vs furiously writing an musical composition - when it ’s more like madly trying to sign your Thomas Kid up for the afterschool Pokémon nightspot vs staring into the void and checking social spiritualist
10.
One hour you ’re young , crazy and free and the next you ’re screaming to your wife , “ HE TOOK A salutary POOP , I THINK WERE IN THE CLEAR ! ”
11.
My 5yo told me all about the two sort of letter : vowel and cousins
12.
" Have kids so you ’ll always have someone to laugh at your laugh , " they said , but when I sing " I will , I will shake you " to my ill-tempered infant , he is Unappreciative
13.
buy myself an Xbox so when one of the kids asks me for something I can tell them I ’ll do it after this level .
14.
If you want to feel better about your parenting , my 14 - yr - old need if she could be a six - pack of beer with her friends for Halloween .
15.
My mom before retreat : I just desire to sack out and help with the kidsMy mum during retirement : gloomy , ca n’t help , the garden does n’t just garden itself ya know
16.
The note my kid wrote for us at back to school night was surprising to say the leastpic.twitter.com/vPd17p3zR2
17.
Are you having a gracious Tuesday or did your daughter remember this morning that she volunteer to bring 150 baby carrots to school today ?
18.
becoming a female parent has added to the respect i have for my own female parent . but . she always read i start tattle at six months and now that i ’ve nurture a nipper through infancy i can not emphasize enough how much that did not happen .
19.
idea and prayers to the dad at Target who just told his Thomas Kyd that cough drops are “ candy that makes you feel well ”
20.
Me : You aver you would n’t daydream of shake up memy kid : Yeah , but this is n’t a dream
21.
Also unrelated but related , I have been banned from using delulu and rizz . This is good because I did n’t want to .
22.
My daughter did my make-up complete with purple eyeliner used as lipstick and hearts draw all over my boldness and then squall when I did n’t wear it to work
23.
await , so I was n’t suppose to send my tiddler to school trim up as Snooki for Jersey Day ?
24.
My biggest association football mom pet peeve is when parents yell at their kids from the sidelines to get to a different position than where their motorbus put them . So I wanna give a prize to the 9yo that just turn from the middle of the champaign & squall I’M DEFENSE to her yelling dad . 💥
25.
10 : “ Can we stop cutting my nail , it makes it harder to grab a booger”Can’t argue with that .
26.
As a parent with older nestling , we can just go out the business firm without them and do whatever we want . The possibility are endless . Sorry , toddler parents .
27.
Some of you never grew up with your pop reply to all your complaint with “ life history sucks and then you go bad ” and it shows
28.
me : it ’s bedtimemy 5yo : * take a crap me rank my favorite numbers from 1 to 9 in gild *
29.
Also when I was pregnant with my son ( Elliot ) I was in an improv division where the teacher was like " let ’s think of the most pretentious , snot-nosed boy name was can " and she was like " How about Elliot ? " and everyone was like " yeah " .
30.
[ driving on the highway]My son , distraught : oh no . This is bad . This is very very bad . Me : WHAT ? WHAT IS IT?Him : my Funyuns . I ca n’t regain my Funyuns .
31.
foregather a woman , fall in love , got married , bought a house , had children , bought a minivan and recrudesce window pane reflux just to have content to twitch about , so tell me again that I have dedication issues
32.
3yo : ma do you love me . Me : Yup I love you more than anything in the humans , with all my heart , until the remainder of time.3yo : Thanks.3yo : I love Dad .
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