" Me , gently say my kids that I ate the rest of the ice-skating rink cream : ' Your dad ate the rest of the crank cream . ' " — @mommajessiec
Before we all started going to therapy, we had the Scholastic book fair. And frankly, I think that was more effective.
Totally normal to be low-down key overjealous of my kid who gets to know his first book fair next calendar week , right ?
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1.
Me : get the flu blastoff was n’t so bad , was it?5 : it was really loudMe : loud?5 : yes because I screamed the whole time !
2.
My child is cry because her Pokémon are too decrepit and one affair nobody ever told me about parenting is how voiceless it is not to express mirth at your children
3.
My son was following me around being pesky . I turn around and ask what he desire . He leaned in , " we ’ve been trying to reach you about your car ’s extended warranty . " No short letter ! Perfect carrying into action .
4.
Made one of those precious white circuit board signs for my sons first Clarence Day of preschool . bequeath the room and came back and he ’d erased it and drawn “ a big construction that ’s on fire ” instead.pic.twitter.com/RYUAtwy0uU
5.
As flighty season approach shot , my very concerned bambino has been asking " WHAT HIM NAME ? " when we see a skeleton or other morbid figure on someone ’s lawn , and since " I do n’t know " is unacceptable to masses who are almost 3 , I have been spitballing names of multitude I do n’t like .
6.
PARENT PROTIP : Do n’t read that email from the schooling ; preserve your energy for the follow - up with corrections they ’ll send in a few minutes .
7.
Was n’t ready to tell my girl where baby come from til I take in her crony saying they come from my tooshie .
8.
Me , softly distinguish my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream : Your dad ate the relief of the trash cream .
9.
It ’s a beautiful daytime for a walk in the timberland ! Except my 3yo bring some ham in her scoop and she drop some of the ham in a marshy flow and I had to tackle her to stop her from retrieving and eat the turbid stream ham .
10.
My tot wanted to play a game with her baby skirt . The idea was to get the baby to dwell down and go to sleep . We ’ve been toy for over an hour and the babe still wo n’t sleep . This biz is a small too realistic for me .
11.
I think kids would be less excited to grow up if they knew how much of maturity is just clean , organizing , and figuring out what to eat again
12.
My husband told me to lock in my bedroom door so I could have a little break . 5 was very implicated that I might not know who was ping and saying Mama every few minutes , so he slide this under the door . “ It ’s me , Mom . Your son.”pic.twitter.com/XJGp6PxXia
13.
My 5yo just told me all about one of his preferent class : cafeteria
14.
Olivia Rodrigo : 2 + 2=5 and I ’m the dear of your lifeMy girl , disgusted : 2 + 2=4 lady !
15.
I would like a sex reveal party where it reveals which parent is the bigger asshole .
16.
if having grown teens has taught me anything it ’s that you could be awry for not help them make undecomposed decisions and somehow at the same sentence also be wrong for always telling them what to do
17.
Do you ever feel unquiet for apparently no reason & track your mentation so you could nail the thought that triggered the anxiety & then realize it ’s because you were thinking about living on the planetary house boat that Tom Hank ’s go on in Sleepless in Seattle but with a 2 twelvemonth old ?
18.
My 2yo just expect for “ one more tiny kiss ” 🥺 🥺 🥺 and it ’s almost like earlier today I did n’t cerebrate to myself , “ there is a cause that the babe box at the fire station is too minuscule to fit a toddler in there . ”
19.
I order 14 to put the towels from the washer to the drier 4 60 minutes ago . I asked an hour ago if he did and he said yes . He never turned the dryer on . I guess that shit ’s on me for not specifying .
20.
The dad who lives down the street and I have an objectively sodding relationshippic.twitter.com/fom1XylHTI
21.
My MIL keep forcing my kidskin to hug her so I ’m teaching them some introductory self - defence
22.
having small children who are not yet using the bathroom independently makes you think about a lot of things .
23.
My kid sure likes playing restaurant for someone who makes meal clip the most unmanageable and stressful part of my world .
24.
My 6yo prepare a timer so that I could have a rest after eating . When the alarm go off it was clip for me to go play with him . He put the timer for 11 seconds . Plenty of time for a residuum .
25.
I just need to know- how many year after the kids go to college do you keep finding tiny Lego pieces ?
26.
When my daughter was kvetch that her sister and supporter keep tagging her first even though they fuck she hates being “ it ” , on the face of it , “ run faster , ” was n’t the response she was look for . I know this now .
27.
ask a little kid who was chatting a sight on the train what his best-loved drive at Coney Island was and after some hemming and hawing he nod and suppose “ getting ice cream . ” no one has ever been more correct
28.
29.
Everyone shut up , my first grader is telling me a 30 - minute tenacious account about how Laberham Lincoln got shot .
30.
I ask my Logos how his first full day last and he discover in detail a bug he saw at recess and revealed no further entropy
31.
My girl ate a whole handbag of chips and then aver “ I ’m not even that hungry they just savour well ” and I ’ve never felt closer to her
32.
“ You kinda look like a ma and a grannie . You ’re like a mama and also a granny . ” -my son(3 ) to me ( 35 )
33.
reached that age where once again it ’ll be a outrage if I get significant
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