" Do n’t attempt to make your life story into a novel , make it a ledger of verse form . "
We recentlyaskedthe members of theBuzzFeed Communitywho are over 40 and happy to tell us something twentysomethings need to know. Their answers were insightful, fearlessly blunt, and — as a 40+ person myself — right on the mark. Here they are:
Some answers are from Reddit threadshereandhere .
1.“If you find yourself obsessing on the same thought (like an embarrassing interaction), apply the rule of 10: Ask yourself ‘Will this matter in 10 minutes? 10 days? 10 years?’ If you answered ‘no’ to all three, it’s not worth the energy you’re putting into worrying about it.”
— smellsbells
2.“If you’re a healthy twentysomething, appreciate it. Most people don’t get healthier as they get older, and it’s nice to at least say you enjoyed it while you could.”
— jbennett300
3.“Don’t fall for the trap that your life needs to be one long narrative that you should be building. Life is best when it’s a bunch of happy moments that just happen to be connected. Don’t try to make your life into a novel, make it a book of poems.”
— u / JayParty
4.“Make your money first, THEN write your Great American Novel. Majoring in fiction writing in college is a TERRIBLE career path. You’ll end up in your 40s working a dead-end job for minimum wage like me.”
— barlowdelvaux81
5.“Stop expecting your partner and friends to read your mind. If you’re upset, say that. If you need time to process your feelings, say that. If you’re appreciative, say that. If you don’t actually want to go to that restaurant, SAY THAT. Your life will get easier and your relationships less stressful if you just stop expecting people to read your mind and clearly state what you’re thinking or feeling.”
— turnipcakeafficionado
6.“WEAR SUNSCREEN. Nothing looks better on 40+-year-old skin than sunscreen in your 20s.”
— iamcarson
7.“Pay yourself first, even if it’s only $1. Start the habit. I know many live from paycheck to paycheck; I truly get it. BUT there will most likely come a day when you’re able to set more aside, and it will be much easier to do if it’s already part of your financial habits.”
— jim96740
8.“It’s going to get better as you age. You will eventually be comfortable with your body. You’re also going to get more mellow. I honestly hated my teenage/20s. I’m 52. And I love it!”
— catherinejohnson1
9.“Chris Rocksaid it best: ‘People tell you life is short. No, it’s not. Life is loooong. Especially if you make the wrong decisions!’ The point is, you’ve got time. Don’t kill yourself trying to do it all now.”
— u / Smooch - A - Rooch
10.“Therapy, dermatologists, blood work, checkups — they help and work even when you’re not totally sure if you need it. We fill our gas tank before we’re in trouble, not after.”
— noconnor1225
11.“Invest money in a good bed.”
12.“It’s never too late to start again. All of my 20s I thought I couldn’t just restart my career or dump a useless boyfriend or go back to school because I was already on a certain trajectory. I’d made my choices, and now I had to make the best of it. That’s total bullshit. You have no idea how incredibly young you are and how much time you have to do whatever you want to do.”
" Once I figured this out , I found the man of my dreams , had a kid in my former 30 , dropped my entire career in my tardy XL , and bug out a novel one at 50 … and it ’s awesome . "
— u / ppurplelicious
13.“Give yourself the opportunity to REALLY get to know a partner before you marry them. Like, REALLY KNOW THEM. Especially if you are in your 20s and still figuring yourself out. Live together for a few years, travel together, go through some difficult seasons, and watch how they handle stress and react to uncomfortable situations.”
" I made the mistake of act in with my now ex - husband after we ’d only been dating for five calendar month , then married him a few months later . He basically became a different soul immediately after the marriage , and it took me 20 + eld to admit to myself that the homo I thought I have it off did not exist .
reckon back , I realized that there were scarlet flags even early on that I did not address , but I did everything I could to stave off a give out matrimony . Turns out that having a flush it marriage is much , much secure than having a miserable lifespan . "
— absepa
14.“Watch your weight, your blood pressure, and do not smoke. Seventy-five percent of my patients that have the most serious diagnoses have at least one of these factors.”
— u / SharCooterie
15.“Chase your dreams! Life goes by SO fast. You don’t want to be 80 years old and regretting not traveling, pursuing your passion, etc.”
16.“When it comes to fitness, it’s about how you feel and not about how you look or what you weigh, so don’t get disheartened about those things. Taking care of yourself is what’s most important, and when you do, you may find you have more energy, endurance, and confidence. Plus, sometimes exercise gives you a glow that you may not even notice, but others do, and all of that is attractive.”
— panda_13
17.“Surround yourself with people and things that make you happy. I have no use for negative people. Or overly positive people for that matter. If you accept that life isn’t always fair and that it is what it is, it makes letting crap go much easier.”
— jcl2323
18.“For all of us, our destination is the grave, so you have to get enjoyment from the journey. Stop and smell the roses, there are no stupid questions, let it go, tell those around you how much they mean to you, plan for the future but live in the present, question authority, and finally, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.'”
— markh63
— ilovedogs1211
20.“Don’t get married. Do you and enjoy your life!”
— ykaye
21.“Most people’s 20s are super hard, it’s not just you. There’s literally nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing you need to do or achieve or be; happiness comes from accepting yourself as you are, in your perfect weird body with your awful habits and history of excruciating moments. You’re fine. You’re always enough, and never too much, and you don’t need to change.”
— lexnettle
22.“Love yourself, be an advocate for yourself. Don’t work a dead-end job that you hate. Don’t get married and have kids because you think that’s what you should be doing, and not because you want to. And if you do get married, DON’T SETTLE!! If you have one tiny inkling that that person is not for you, don’t do it.”
— amandaharris1
23.“You cannot change someone. Whether a friend or a partner, their faults will not ‘get better,’ and you cannot rescue them. Don’t waste your life on toxic people.”
24.“Don’t obsess about other people’s lives, especially over social media. Everyone struggles and doesn’t like something about themselves, no matter how perfect they seem.”
25.“Get a couple of these!”
26.“Don’t have children until you’re ready, if you’re ever ready. And please, don’t have children with a partner who either doesn’t want them or has shown you that they aren’t parent material.”
" Raising kids is challenging no matter what years you are , so do n’t stack the lineup against yourself if you could help it ( saying this as a parent to two Thomas Kid with a dedicated partner with a decent home income ) . "
— u / Sweet_Deeznuts
27.“Don’t worry about what people think about stuff. Try to do the things that make you happy. Building that habit creates a lot of value over time. Social media is a curse for this.”
— uracil / joopface
28.“Challenging times will come. You will be tested. When that happens, don’t be afraid to be honest and reach out for help.”
— u / futbolguy12
29.“I’m 46, and here’s what I know: Money is important, but it’s not the end all be all. It will not listen to your problems or hug you when you need it.”
30.“What you do or don’t do in your 20s will come back to bite you in your 40s. And all those hang-ups you have? You will not give a flying fuck about any of them in your 40s, so the sooner you start living for you, and not your peers, family, or anyone else that thinks they know what’s best for you, the happier you’ll be. Save money and invest in your future…whatever it may be.”
— uracil / LadyoftheHounds
31.“Maintain your friendships. In 20 years, you will be so grateful for those people who saw you through marriages, children, illness, and health. People who will go for a trip with you, love your kids, remember you as a young person.”
" Friends are essential , but they involve piece of work . Do n’t be alone just because you do n’t want to be the soul who get hold of out to others . "
— atomic number 92 / fantazja1
32.“Become a freelancer, travel, save a bit of money each month if you can, start that band before you lose interest in doing so. Do everything you won’t want to do in 10 years.”
" Oh , and you do it that lady friend / boy you ’re on and off with ? Or that unstable relationship with a history of hurt and betrayal ? Put an end to it now . for good . Deal with the grief even if you suffer for two yr . But put an end to it . "
— u / duppyconqueror81
33.“Go to another country that is far away and different than your own. When I was in college, I had the chance to go to Europe, but I passed because I had to work at a warehouse. I picked staying at a part-time warehouse job over seeing the world. When I finally went abroad in my 30s, it changed my perspective about everything and everyone.”
— u / EvenCaramel
34.“Don’t let the perceived successes or failures of others dictate the pace at which you live your life. Everyone lives at their own pace, so don’t get too caught up in comparisons: That person you think has life completely figured out by, say, age 25 might be a meth addict by age 30.”
" Do n’t beat yourself up because you feel as if you ’re not adhere to some artificial checklist of life events that exists only in your question . So you did n’t get married by age 30 or you have n’t found a vocation or whatever — you have the entire rest of your life to accomplish those goals . Do n’t add together additional accent to your life by comparing yourself to others . It ’s not a race . "
— u / SophiaTPetrillo
35.“Relax more. Don’t get angry over little things.”
— u / QualityKatie
" This ! The real lesson is to accept that things wo n’t always go the agency you want them to , and that ’s all right .
Did n’t marry your perfect partner ? That person does n’t exist — align expectations to world and appreciate those who love you for who they are . Or find new masses .
Did n’t buy the complete railroad car ? Oh , well , it still stupefy you where you ’re going . delineate your standard for the next one and work toward it .
Did n’t get the perfect house ? belike not . But it ’s yours , and you’re able to fix it .
Did n’t get that promotion ? Do n’t be so sure it would have work out the elbow room you consider it would have .
holiday was n’t perfect ? Are you certain about that , or were your expectations too high ?
Point is , unwind , enjoy the ride , work to your goals , but remember none of it matters if you ca n’t enjoy it along the way . "
— atomic number 92 / GWS1121
36.“My new motto is to lower my expectations. Disappointment comes from expecting things to be a certain way instead of being realistic and rolling with life’s changes.”
— u / knit_tink_knit
" One hundred percent agree . The persona of life I bump the most frustrating are those where I have a pre - fixed idea in mind that does n’t turn out how I want it to . Often times , it ’s not an objectively speculative thing that happened , it just did n’t go how I wanted it , and that made me feel out of control . To a circle of people , ' lowering prospect ' is take to mean ' give up on your dream and be realistic , ' but that ’s not what it is if your expectations were really too gamey to start with .
This is why the melodic theme of stoicism is that if you require to be well-chosen , you need adjust yourself so that you desire what actually happen to happen . Put another means : bring to see the things that are in your control , and accept the thing you ca n’t . It ’s a battle to let go , though . "
— u / MythicalElephant
37.“Discipline sounds boring, but it’s one of the most gangster skills to have if you want to reach your full potential and make the most of your time here on earth.”
— u / magenk
38.“I was a raging alcoholic in my 20s and thought I would never recover from it. I never found a real job using my first degree or my master’s. Part of it was because I was always drunk; part of it was the job market at the time. I went back to school in my 30s and found something I like a whole lot more. Now, I’m married, nearly 10 years sober, and have a great job. My point is, if you end up on the wrong path or don’t like where you are, there’s always time to turn around and change it. Too many people just assume they’re stuck where they are and stuck with the issues they have.”
— u / yeahwellokay
mention : some entries were cut for length and/or clarity .
