" My daughter told me that I should be a niggling faster with her laundry and asked if I could fold thing a little neater . She had a whole near - death experience and did n’t even pull in . " — @KatieDeal99
Summer 2023 is officially over, but the laughs keep coming! Here are the funniest 50 tweets by parents from the past three months!
I require my son how his first full solar day die and he discover in item a germ he saw at recess and revealed no further information
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
my girl tell she really wants to get baptized . I was surprised & asked her why & she said “ I just love water system mom . ” LMFAO ? ?
2.
Today at weft - up , the childcare teacher informed me that my darling son was caught crimson - handed trying to use up another child ’s banana . She evince me the attach banana as proof . I looked over at him sternly , and catch him prove to eat yet another nestling ’s banana .
3.
Told my 3 yr older we had to go grocery shopping and he said “ do n’t worry , I ’ll make a list”pic.twitter.com/8LYUByRnZo
4.
5.
have intercourse a 3 class one-time having the self - awareness to be like “ yes i am being a prick but it ’s NOT because of cartoons ”
6.
Paid $ 75 to take the family to the menagerie so my toddler could aah and ahh over a cat in the parking lot .
7.
My girl told me that I should be a little faster with her laundry and asked if I could fold thing a little neater . She had a whole near - dying experience and did n’t even realize .
8.
Nonparents be like : I would simply apprise the tot to do something he does nt want to do , and he would obey
9.
My daughter sent this text during the break of Day 2 of the bar examination . I ’m going to go forrader and tell you , this guy not only is blend to pass but he is going to make the most money in the room.pic.twitter.com/Aq2ADlBs0Z
10.
Nice lady : I bonk your hairMe : Awww Thanks!Olympia : It ’s a WIG ! ! !
11.
My 2yo cry in Costco , cause he ’s 2 . This crusty honest-to-god human being came up to us and said , “ I ’m one of Santa ’s assistant . That think I ’ll tell Santa about who ’s being a spicy boy ” to which my 6yo replied , “ Mommy why is n’t that old hombre minding his business?”The kid take it .
12.
The 5 - year - onetime has been limping around with a leg injury all morning and I would feel unfit for her except the hurt is “ a George Fox bite her in her pipe dream ”
13.
14 : hey dad … Why should you never fight a dinosaur??me : why14 : You ’ll get jurasskicked.he ’s a daddy . they grow up so fast .
14.
it was squish twenty-four hours at preschool and they sent the wrong towel home with my sonthis was someone ’s towel at preschool todaypic.twitter.com/gxiLxhVkYE
15.
rap at the door . I open up it . Neighbor child : “ I … I was trying to do a … a dent - dong … thing .. ”Me : “ A ding dong ditch?”NK : “ Yeah!”Me : “ But you draw a blank to leave?”NK : “ Yeah!”Me : “ Do you need to try out again?”NK : “ Yeah ! ”
16.
11 - yr - old : I ’m bringing my saxophone home from school day tomorrow . Me : Why?11 : To exercise fashioning sounds . Me : You imply notes?11 : No . We have n’t learned those yet . Lucky us .
17.
6 y / o niece walked into my bedroom last night . Her : is this your bedroom?Me : yesHer : where does uncle Skylar sleep?Me : [ prepared to excuse jolly people exist ] he sleeps here , too . Her : I meant what side of the seam . Me : oh . That side . Her : … he has a LOT more pillow than you .
18.
I called a kin meeting and my 8yo gone say , “ is this a paid meeting” . I be prescribed parenting but fry do n’t be incontrovertible childrening .
19.
Nephew has been doing a second where when he gets on elevator with grownup , in an endeavor to fit in he ’ll say “ I did n’t get the promotion ”
20.
6 yo cousin : do you sleep with my little pony game on the phone?me : yeah , i used to play that plot before you were borncousin : i used to watch my little pony back in the dayme : ….. what years ? ? you ’re 6cousin : no , back when i was a tiny tiny baby not a adultme : ! ? ! ? ! ?
21.
it takes a village to protect the childrenpic.twitter.com/kLBhmhLTeI
22.
Also unrelated but related , I have been shun from using delulu and rizz . This is good because I did n’t desire to .
23.
Me to my husband : " Do n’t interest , he ’s only 2 , he ’ll forget about wanting ice-skating rink cream for dinner if we do n’t lend it up . “My 2yo : " Behold , female parent , there is the exact distance Grandma park in when she tug me to this playground 3 week ago ; I was tog in my green Stegosaurus shirt "
24.
My finest parenting moment is when I sent my son to daycare in a jean jump suit and then at cartridge , his shy instructor whispered “ the jean jump suit was a sensation ” and inform me that parole had spread throughout the school day and teachers were move from other schoolroom to see it
25.
Halfway through my kid ’s crazy complicated Subway order , the guy expect “ Where you going with this sandwich , world ? ”
26.
my 8yo ’s friend make out over wear a Guns - n - blush wine t - shirtme : coolheaded shirt , one of my favorite circle when I was youngerhim : yeah it ’s my nanna ’s favorite band
27.
postcard from small fry from camppic.twitter.com/yOXRlIECfO
28.
Me : * eyelid twitch , seek to remain calm by reminding myself that it ’s a stratum for actual yearling and nobody else notices*My married woman , who is the only other person in the way that notices : pic.twitter.com / JcvicGBwJS
29.
No sadder human relationship dynamical than my babe ( absolutely obsessed with my 3yo ) and my 3yo ( continually tells us to throw her in the garbage )
30.
So uh … My 7 year old and her therapist came out of their session . Her therapist enounce " [ 7 ] has something to secernate you . " She hemmed and haw , examine to change the field of study , and then fink : she smuggle two tiny live frogs into therapy in a miniature physician outfit .
31.
In my 20 : I would never dwell to my minor . They will be strong enough to see the humanity as it is . In my XXX : That ’s ring Paw Patrol . They only have it at the barber . you’re able to watch it again the next metre you get a haircut .
32.
For those wondering , he thought she meant Target ’s toy section , but she said “ imagine Target but with all the Toys ever made!”The aspect on his face when he found out such a place existed … but he ca n’t go … If you have a Time Machine , hit me up .
33.
My son ask me tonight before bed if “ back suite ” were existent and , if you are not currently a parent of a child who watches youtube you have no theme the mistake I made in saying yes .
34.
NO PEPPA PIG ! THEYVE IGNORED authoritative safety equipment REGULATIONS!pic.twitter.com / a1jTDiTmBi
35.
5 year erstwhile : Something bump in the kitchen . hubby : what was it?5yo : A spectre was doing experimentation . Us : ……………. oh no
36.
As an end - of - summertime treat , I told my 5yo he can stay up as deep as he wants tonight . His regular bedtime is 7:30 . It ’s 7:50 and he ’s outside sweep on his lilt set tell me this is the good day ever . Will keep you posted on how long he get it .
37.
I do not require to encourage my daughter to fixate on her appearance , but I do sleep with when she dresses herself in the most helter-skelter getup ( hemangioma simplex frock , purple tutu , seagull leggings , bunny drogue under rainbow sandal ) , then looks in the mirror and whispers “ I reckon perfect . ”
38.
tot be like , we can do this the hard way or the harder way .
39.
i hear the blender going in the kitchen . Only my 10 and 8 yo are awake . my wife is not home . i ’m stuck on a conference call . oh no .
40.
My 3 - yr - onetime was BEGGING me to buy her something at the store , and I usually do n’t give in , but I did this time because it was only 99 cents and it was this bunch of scallionspic.twitter.com/KSZjAxN24i
41.
It ’s somewhat telling how chill bambino are most of the clock time when you remember that they usually have 0 context for anything that is happening . Today , a week after we move to another DoS , my son look around and then asked , “ are we still on earth ? ”
42.
Honestly harebrained that you could be a Thomas Kyd but then turn up and live alone and have no one to be like “ I threw up ” to
43.
Asked my 5 - yo to clean her elbow room multiple meter today . She assured me she did . I went in : literally nothing had transfer . “ In what world , ” I take , “ is this a fresh room?”She looked me dead in the eye . “ In a TRASH earth . ”
44.
My son is name my Eli . My golf teacher is name Eli . I texted my Word to severalise him to take the pawl and the wish-wash out . My golf instructor then texted me , “ is 1030 tomorrow okay?”I fired back a not so nice substance … 🤦 🏽 ♂ ️
45.
my small fry turned 15 seven minute ago and the first matter he did was call his buddy , who is 4 days younger than him , and said " how does it feel to be 14 , retard ? "
46.
I just walked in my room to bump my 8yr watching my goggle box . Before I could say anything , she contain her hand up and says “ I just need to unbend ok . You phone my name SO many prison term today . ”Me : pic.twitter.com/8GWopo323d
47.
Everyone mean their shaver are normal until you ’re leave instructions for a brood hen and you ’re like , “ do not get to the rubbish pouch all the way- open up it midway , hand it to him , and back aside slowly . Also he has to kip with 3 pacifiers and Lightning McQueen . ”
48.
My child is crying because her Pokémon are too light and one thing nobody ever told me about parenting is how heavy it is not to express joy at your children
49.
In the railroad car , everyone silent for 5 mins : My three twelvemonth old : What if there was a sheep that worked at a Dr. office ?
50.
PARENT PROTIP : Do n’t read that email from the school ; salve your energy for the follow - up with corrections they ’ll transport in a few minute of arc .
Don’t miss the funniest tweets by parents last week…
32 Hilarious Parents Who Pulled Absolutely No Punches On Twitter
…or the funniest tweets by parents in 2023 (so far)!
50 Delightfully Hilarious Jokes By parent Who REALLY demand A Break
