" I have compile an thoroughgoing leaning of mass who saw me last workweek and did n’t tell me about that chin whisker . You wo n’t be forgiven . " — @anylaurie16
Congratulations, you’ve survived a whole week of Standard Time. I hope you welcomed your seasonal depression home with open arms, because you’re about to see a lot of one another!
live footage of daytime savings taking the sun off at 4pmpic.twitter.com/U4rcMNpk6F
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
sure the great unwashed start out getting employ , married and have kids , BUT something nobody truly prepares you for about your former twenty is how many of your friends start run endurance contest
2.
taking the amtrak is so fun . when you drive all you see is ugly highways but when you take the train you get to see some hombre ’s weird backyard
3.
sour out at 4:30pm for the next 5 month … time to time in at the ol parasocial relationship mill
4.
I ’m at a Metallica concert , and the woman beside me just used her telephone to google " Metallica . "
5.
6.
Just had to have the public lecture with my dad that he and my mum are at an long time where he can not call me with “ risky tidings ” if the bad news is “ your mother and I are getting a faux Christmas tree for the first clip ”
7.
take in two Trader Joe ’s employees spill about some really honorable tittle-tattle then I pull in they were recap an episode of New Girl
8.
( first day as a devil dog scientist)Me : When do we get to … champaign supervisor : For the 10th clock time , we are not here to boop shark nose !
9.
she finally got himpic.twitter.com/10xwB6cuOQ
10.
once you arrive at like 42 , your body bulge actively trying to kill you.a sneeze could be the last thing you do on earth
11.
I ’m a dewy-eyed womanhood and do n’t ask for much . Five meals a day . Nine hours of eternal rest . A couplet of yoga pant , sodding purdah , and no social obligations whatsoever .
12.
When people mail things like “ please pray for me ! Ca n’t say why tho ! ” I ’m like “ dear celestial father , can you give me the tea ? ”
13.
the spirit of a 58 twelvemonth older white man overcome me brieflypic.twitter.com/qecB0fpzZ6
14.
char ’s fall fashion is basically come up with mode to have on a mantle without it look like you ’re get into a blanket .
15.
This meeting could have been a fist fight
16.
I have compiled an thoroughgoing listing of hoi polloi who saw me last week and did n’t tell me about that chin hairsbreadth . You wo n’t be forgive .
17.
this table is very nerve-racking to me . when i look at it , my mind can not process what it is for ~6 second . and then when i do , i ’m authentically deplorable ? hang on , there might be someting else going on with me . get me learn in with myself . … hm no , it ’s literally just this Fucking tablepic.twitter.com/TotJjgMiL5
18.
i love this clip of year like is she on the scepter of crying or is it allergies . you ’ll never know .
19.
citizenry who did n’t develop up in a colonial New England state , where did you even go for your third grade field trip ? How did you even learn to boil butter ?
20.
nap are interesting because you either wake up energetic and refreshed or so unenrgetic and disorientate that you do n’t even bonk where you are . Impossible to say which it will be ! Fun to find out .
21.
Just exact an everything showerpic.twitter.com/QyDjqkZviF
22.
( Removing a splinter ) Him : This is snuff it to really hurt . Me : You realize I gave birth to Gemini right ?
23.
When someone is like “ if I can do it , so can you ” it ’s like babe that is n’t even how things work .
24.
When my cat and I take a snooze at the same clip very near to each other that ’s just parallel play 😌
25.
Really need you all to see this cookie jarpic.twitter.com/AawAlC25HT
26.
My 8yo girl and her friends are playing " Mommy ’s nighttime out , " which is a game where they pluck out child dame , then shut away them up in a bedroom while they eat macaroni and Malva sylvestris .
27.
seven seasons later and i can finally assure the difference between jason and brett#SellingSunset7#SellingSunset
28.
We did it . Daylight has been saved but at what price
Don’t miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
These 22 Genuinely Hysterical Tweets By fair sex Made My Entire Week , And I Bet They ’ll Make Yours , Too
…or the funniest tweets by women in October!
You ’ll Pass by From express joy At The 47 Funniest Tweets By cleaning lady Last Month ( RIP ! ! ! )
