" My partner would like to pool all earnings into one divvy up story from which we cover all menage expenses . "
How couples choose to split their billscan be a sensitive and personal topic — especially if they make vastly different amounts. Some choose to go right down the middle, others go by a percentage, and some are in relationships where their partner pays for everything.
The decision is up to the couple to work out, but things can get tense when both parties don’t agree. And that’s exactly what’s happening to 38-year-old Reddit userComprehensive_You520(or Comp for short), whose 39-year-old fiancé is pressuring her to join accounts.
In Comp’spostabout the issue, she explains, “Our approaches to our marital assets differ slightly. To provide some background: I have a child from a prior relationship and a sick mother. He has two children from prior relationships. There is a disparity in our earnings with me earning about five times more than my fiancé. This has never been an issue to me before and I am hopeful that we can grow together.”
“My partner would like to pool all earnings into one shared account from which we cover all household expenses. I am in agreement with this but have additionally proposed that we maintain separate and independent accounts to which 10% of our earnings go. This is for several reasons (autonomy, surprises, individual needs) and to primarily maintain some independence financially,” Comp said.
" We both have turn a loss a lot in prior relationship , and while I do n’t need to go into a wedlock planning for the bad , fifty recollect it ’s wise to be prepared as we have significant responsibilities . "
“My fiancé believes that this conveys a lack of commitment on my part and has told me that this is indicative of my readiness for marriage. I feel heartbroken that he is suggesting delaying marriage because of this.”
" As we are both at a sort of cul de sac , he has proposed we throw a coin to determine an approaching . I am not comfortable flipping a coin on such a large aspect of our spirit . As a result , he has now accused me of being uncompromising . Am I being inflexible or unreasonable ? "
After reading the post, commenters quickly validated Comp’s skepticism. In fact, they think his forward attitude when it comes to her earnings is a giant red flag.
" So he is basically furious because he wo n’t have access to all your money ? " useru / CosmicConnection8448posed . " I agree you should have an report for household expense and you should both put in an adequate amount of money for that . The rest should be your personal money . Especially as you both have children from previous relationships that you need to take precaution of . "
And to be honest, most think Comp is being wayyy to generous by only suggesting keeping 10% separate because he shouldn’t need access to 90%.
" Not the whoreson . This would be a huge red sword lily for me . You ’re only ask for 10 % in disjoined account ( which honestly I do n’t think is enough ) and he ’s refusing to trust you with even that much . If he does n’t hope you financially , isheready for spousal relationship ?
For context , my husband and I have been together 19 days , married 11 . We have one joint investment account and that ’s it . Otherwise monetary resource are totally separate and we split bills . If I were you , I ’d be insist on a prenup , " useru / Elle_Veticasaid .
Some tried to give her fiancé the benefit of the doubt, suggesting his want to join account may be coming from a genuine wish to follow a “what’s mine is yours” ideology…but it feels more likely that he just wants her money.
" My generous version : your fiancé feels insecure about his fiscal billet relative to yours , and rather than serve that insecurity , he thinks it ’s a expert estimate to give him full approach to all of your money because of … love ?
My stingy interpretation : your fiancé has not made this an emergence in your human relationship because he anticipate to have full memory access to all of your money when you got married and did not want to venture that,“u / Key_Agent7192 .
Regardless of his reasoning, readers reassured Comp that she did not have to give in to any financial pressure from her partner.
" Not the asshole . I would by all odds fulfill with a fiscal contriver or attorney of some type regarding how the two of you should be set up account so that you both have reasonable expectation for how you will care both the personal and shared expenses , " useru / JessieColtsaid .
Besides, she has not only her own well-being to think of, but also her children’s.
" Unless you are planning on embrace each others children , any expenses for each of your own minor should be paid out of the item-by-item history and not the partake expenses accounts and same with expenses for any money you spend on / for your mom , " useru / JessieColtsaid .
And that’s too big of a deal to simply flip a coin on.
" A flip of the coin ? " useru / FuzzyMom2005questioned . " And if it does n’t go his style , will he insist in 2 out of 3 ? "
It is 2023, for heaven’s sake.
" If a mankind in 2023 can not see why a woman , with previous children no less , would want to maintain a tier of fiscal legal separation in a marriage without taking it in person , I imagine that ’s a jolly big cause for business concern , " useru / Key_Agent7192concluded .
