" Told my sis I had to buy rice krispy treats cause I ’m snack mom for my girl ’s secret plan and she said why do n’t you just make them and I said I ’m sorry you have the wrong act and hung up on her . " — @itssherifield
Congressman George Santos absconded his colleague’s office with a baby that was not his this week, so hold your children close and keep an eye out for this Rumpelstiltskin wannabe!!!
George Santos just left Tim Burchett ’s office with a infant in his implements of war . When asked if it was his baby , he said “ not yet.”pic.twitter.com/QQsfPAo8hC
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
My 3yo does n’t understand the construct of Halloween decorations and keeps dragging our skeletal system indoors to diddle with them . I tell him it did n’t make sense to have Halloween decoration inside bc nobody can see them and he said , highly seriously “ they ’re part of our kinfolk . ”
2.
My 2yo , Miguel , had taken off his diaper at some point during his nap and when I walk in and saw it on the story , he look at me and said : “ WHY’D YOU DO THAT , MIGUEL ? ? ? ? ? ”
3.
Me : * keep back on by my fingernails*My kid ’s school : Next calendar week is dress like a trapezoid 24-hour interval . Me : But why — School : Also bestow six pocket-sized pumpkins . Me : Ca n’t we just — School : The bake sales agreement take up at noon . Me : So aid me , I — schooltime : One word . JOGATHON .
4.
Me : What did you do at school today!My kid : Nothing . My kid ’s school facebook Thomas Nelson Page : Here ’s a choice of the 48 really cool things your tike did at school today !
5.
My tyke keep asking why we do n’t decorate outside for Halloween and I ’m tempted to buy a clustering of posterboard and just write the scarey things I can think of on it …. like " daycare is calling you at body of work right before a enceinte presentation , " or " assure Engine luminosity comes on "
6.
Currently , our only Halloween decor is a pair of homemade jack - atomic number 8 - lantern . We walk past a neighbor ’s thou , decked for the holiday , and I say , " Look at the cute little ghost!““I wike that , " my 3yo say cheerfully . " And I wike the wittle specter we have at our house , too . " 💀
7.
My daughter is color at the kitchen table and she telephone me in and postulate me to move this unicorn upstairs to her bedroom , as she “ needs some quiet time away from him.”pic.twitter.com/lnMWESyAff
8.
Overheard my kids whispering outside my bedroom door and one of them said “ she has n’t had coffee yet ” and then they both backed out from my door and it was quiet again .
9.
There are those kids who are sad to learn beef comes from kine , then there ’s my girl who require to experience why we do n’t call cows beef .
10.
How do you get a teenager to stop talk back without also going to prison house for life ?
11.
me : dear morning!7 year previous : one way to keep a robber from stealing your jewelry is to fulfill your house with tnt and when he develop in to blow it all up . Oh … but then your jewelry and house flub up . Nevermind , that plan wo n’t work . Can I have a waffle ?
12.
Thinking about the time my yearling was looking at his pruny fingers after a tub and said ‘ mommy they look like your forehead . ’
13.
My 7yo has captured Monday vigor dead . Today she woke up and said “ mom do you ever inflame up and require to say bad words”All the time baby girl . All . The . Time .
14.
take a child is fun bc everything was calm and now there ’s someone scream at you because there are n’t enough acorns
15.
As further evidence that Covid has caused Gen Z to challenge traditional concept of social fundamental interaction , my 11 y / o girl randomly asked me this dayspring , “ How is bob for apples even sanitary ? ”
16.
Me , answering my child ’s question at 9 AM : Venus is the hottest planet because of its propinquity to the sunshine and its thick air compromised of gas like CO2.Me , serve my child ’s question at 9 post-mortem examination : Go to bed .
17.
My daughter make up one’s mind that she desire to contribute to tailgating so she made “ peanut butter spoonful ” . What are Arachis hypogaea butter spoon you may necessitate ? Just spoon with peanut butter on them . They were a full-grown bang .
18.
I ’ll be at the book fair all dawn with 3 dissimilar classrooms so if anyone involve a $ 70 fluffy pencil or a $ 40 eraser that does n’t work tally me up .
19.
My kid wants a Yes 24-hour interval so I said let ’s have one start now and her eyes light up and then I said go strip your elbow room and that ’s when she cypher out where she made her error .
20.
One of my students was not devote tending tonight . Walking around no shoe on all under the board I was like ma’am this is a university 🥴 pic.twitter.com/oX4MQjfHVv
21.
Wrote something about a yearling having a tantrum at a shop & a ma commented that toddlers should n’t have to endure trips to a shop & that if moms made it fun & lock scene would n’t find . I can only assume that this “ mom ’s ” kids are imaginary .
22.
A kids version of the “ Saw ” movie but they can only escape by eating a sandwich with the crusts on .
23.
One of the scariest things you’re able to get wind this time of class is the far-off vocalization of a small child …… shouting from another room in the house , " MOMMY , I make MUD footmark WITH MINE BOOTS ! "
24.
tell my sister I had to buy Elmer Rice krispy treats cause I ’m bite mum for my daughter ’s game and she said why do n’t you just make them and I say I ’m sorry you have the wrong phone number and hung up on her .
25.
break your teenagers day by seek to make it a fun day for them .
26.
My girl bend 4 today and when I asked her if she want to do anything special for her birthday she order “ I need to eat up an surplus repast . ” approve .
27.
Me to 8yo daughter : omg why are you like this?!Husband : [ slowly lifts mirror to my face ]
Don’t miss the funniest tweets by parents last week:
26 Of The Absolute Funniest Tweets By Parents This calendar week
…or the funniest tweets by parents in September!
I Can not magnify How Wildly Hilarious These 47 tweet By Parents Are
