" Now that my kid is in gamey school , I ’m trying to be his soundless sideline livelihood system , but last night he told me his English teacher is realize him put two spaces after a menses , and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT INTERVENE ? ! ? " — @SaraMooreWagne1
September flew by, which serves as a stark reminder that life is short — and all the favorite songs from your youth are considered “oldies” now.
Was listening to Linkin Park and a pupil said “ I did n’t know you liked oldie ! ”
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
order new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped forthwith to their schooling ’s lost and found section
2.
My youngster is crying because her Pokémon are too weak and one thing nobody ever order me about parenting is how hard it is not to laugh at your nestling
3.
Why am I the only dad here for parent - instructor league ? Am I the only dad who can take time off work ? The only dada to consider this as a parenting duty , not a mammy duty ? The only dad who often marks the incorrect engagement on his calendar ? The conferences are tomorrow , are n’t they ? Dammit
4.
Made one of those cute white board sign for my sons first mean solar day of preschool . Left the room and came back and he ’d rub out it and drawn “ a big edifice that ’s on fire ” instead.pic.twitter.com/RYUAtwy0uU
5.
Sex male erecticle dysfunction for teens should admit loading kids , stroller , and groceries / sports equipment into the car while it ’s pouring rainfall .
6.
Me : get the influenza snap was n’t so regretful , was it?5 : it was really loudMe : loud?5 : yes because I yell the whole time !
7.
I ’ve been texting with “ Isla ’s mom ” for 3 year . When is a in effect clock time to require her her name ?
8.
Are you having a gracious Tuesday or did your daughter remember this morning that she offer to make for 150 baby carrots to school today ?
9.
[ 5:00 AM , in a rough whisper]Daddy , do n’t worry , you could log Z’s . I ’m create my own breakfast , how do you turn on the stove?Me : I ’m up .
10.
When they ask you how you balance parenting and writing they belike think : comforting a queasy small fry vs furiously writing an musical composition - when it ’s more like frantically attempt to sign up your kid up for the afterschool Pokémon club vs asterisk into the emptiness and check social medium
11.
catch ahead of the rumour , smarthttps://t.co/Yh1AkIinyp
12.
My 5yo just narrate me all about one of his favourite classes : cafeteria
13.
Now that my kid is in high schooling , I ’m trying to be his mum avocation support system , but last night he recount me his English instructor is making him put 2 spaces after a menstruation , and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT INTERVENE ? ! ?
14.
As flighty time of year approach , my very interested toddler has been asking " WHAT HIM NAME ? " when we see a skeleton or other morbid frame on someone ’s lawn , and since " I do n’t know " is unacceptable to the great unwashed who are almost 3 , I have been spitballing names of people I do n’t wish .
15.
make out a 3 twelvemonth old having the self - awareness to be like “ yes i am being a prick but it ’s NOT because of cartoons ”
16.
lead my 6 y / o girl to a college football game game and my aspiration of turning her into a fan quick faded when she ask to go home in the first after part because “ we just watched this plot on TV last week . ”
17.
Me , who once heavily criticized punk band for go too " dad " : the Curious George melodic theme goes pretty intemperately actually
18.
My son was following me around being annoying . I turned around and asked what he wanted . He leaned in , " we ’ve been endeavor to reach you about your car ’s extended warranty . " No notes ! Perfect performance .
19.
I ’m give pestiferous looks to this dad at the cafe whose kid is being obnoxious but he ’s not doing anything about it so I judge I ’m going to have to get by with it because he ’s my child too or whatever
20.
The dad who last down the street and I have an objectively perfect relationshippic.twitter.com/fom1XylHTI
21.
My girl did my composition perfect with imperial eyeliner used as lipstick and eye draw all over my fount and then cried when I did n’t tire it to function
22.
My 2yo just involve for “ one more tiny candy kiss ” 🥺 🥺 🥺 and it ’s almost like sooner today I did n’t think to myself , “ there is a understanding that the babe box at the fire station is too little to fit a toddler in there . ”
23.
there are SO many hard things about parenting , but the big ? the absolute forged ? ? ? ? ? ? making dinner , hands down
24.
Also when I was meaning with my Word ( Elliot ) I was in an improv class where the teacher was like " let ’s reckon of the most ostentatious , snooty male child name was can " and she was like " How about Elliot ? " and everyone was like " yeah " .
25.
One minute you ’re untried , wild and destitute and the next you ’re screaming to your married woman , “ HE take A right POOP , I THINK WERE IN THE CLEAR ! ”
26.
PARENT PROTIP : Do n’t read that electronic mail from the school ; preserve your energy for the follow - up with corrections they ’ll send in a few minutes .
27.
My kid have no estimation how much my pump is full when they say those three magic words , “ You ’re embarrassing me . ”
28.
My husband tell me to shut up my chamber doorway so I could have a little break . 5 was very concerned that I might not experience who was knocking and saying Mama every few minutes , so he slid this under the doorway . “ It ’s me , Mom . Your son.”pic.twitter.com/XJGp6PxXia
29.
i looked out the window to revel the beautiful view of our mountains . i then looked over to the left wing toward the remnant of our driveway and i see my 10 yo and 8 yo . they were twerking whenever motorcar came by.we have to move now .
30.
I severalise 14 to put the towels from the washer to the dryer 4 hours ago . I asked an hour ago if he did and he say yes . He never turned the dryer on . I guess that shit ’s on me for not condition .
31.
Wife : You indisputable you got all 4 kids while I head out tonight?Me : Yup , sluttish peasy . storyteller : But things were NOT lemon squeezy
32.
I think child would be less activated to grow up if they be intimate how much of adulthood is just cleaning , organizing , and figuring out what to eat again
33.
exit the park with my kid , we get wind a gang of guys seat and fume on the hood of our car , and I ’m proud to account I was Stern * and Confrontational * * about it*said " dude ! " quietly**pushed the lock button on my primal fob to beep the horn and slightly startle them
34.
Me , gently tell my kids that I consume the rest of the glass emollient : Your dad ate the relaxation of the ice ointment .
35.
“ Oh shhh … Ha I almost said shit!”My 6yo with a close call
36.
Apparently my kidskin speaks to his mathematics preparation the same way he address to me.pic.twitter.com/I6rxDKxyJF
37.
None of the parenting Scripture said ANYTHING about having to relearn interpersonal chemistry at 10 postmortem examination .
38.
becoming a mother has add to the esteem i have for my own female parent . but . she always allege i started lecture at six months and now that i ’ve reared a child through early childhood i can not emphasize enough how much that did not happen .
39.
Parenting is weird because you get yourself order things like : that was a cute story but you know if you ever foregather a actual bear with a toothache you should n’t seek to facilitate it , right-hand ?
40.
Preschool want us to publish out photos a make a collage of all our family members , which is really an impossible project bc printing out exposure is inconceivable but I went to CVS , push with the photo machine and DID IT . Got home , the 3yo was like " you forgot a photo of the snail "
41.
3 - year - sometime was singing quietly into a banana tree and without search up from his video game , her chum said “ It ’s not on . You have to turn it on . ” So she pressed an alleged button on the banana and now she ’s sing very forte into it ? Huh
42.
Also unrelated but related , I have been banned from using delulu and rizz . This is sound because I did n’t need to .
43.
My biggest association football mum pet peeve is when parents call at their kids from the hobby to get to a different position than where their coach put them . So I wanna give a prize to the 9yo that just turned from the eye of the study & screamed I’M DEFENSE to her yell pappa . 💥
44.
If momma were awarded stickers.pic.twitter.com/pDGVBQJ7gN
45.
Why this piddling fille just recognize me in this computer memory with her fine ass pappa ? ? So embarrassing this missy saying “ yeah she makes tiktoks ” . NO LITTLE GIRL IM A MARKETING DATA ANALYST .
46.
Heard a cleaning woman in Target call for her kidskin ‘ is that a saucy selection to make with your money ? ’ and now I wish she would accompany me around the store , too .
47.
My son just inform me it ’s illegal for 9 year olds to eat Brassica oleracea italica .
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