" Hey , sorry I miss your text , I am processing a nonstop 24/7 onset of data with a brain plan to eat Charles Edward Berry in a cave " — @VeryBadLlama

Fromgirl math, toboy math, to high value men, September was a very math-heavy month on Twitter.

A high - value human race has 5,000 a year and a household in town . A gentleman of aftermath has 10,000 a class , beautiful grounds at Pemberley , and a unflawed admiration for ready wit and fine eyes.https://t.co/2erzEqON1X

Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!

1.

long - term relationships are all about develop a dialect so block you ’d rather be shot than have audio frequency of your day-by-day conversation leak

2.

i recall if u have a really fucked up dreaming you should be allowed to call off work . i just check my female parent get attacked by a tiger and you require me to hop-skip on a zoom group meeting rn

3.

Remember when you are apply for jobs that if / when you feel ' underqualified ' a white guy cable just responded to my casting call for African - American women . So dash your snapshot , I guess .

4.

i have it away it when i can tell a friend is doing their subject matter circle . give thanks you for sending me a tweet and a tiktok during your shift at the mail factory queen . see you again in 2 - 8 hour

5.

I rely , every man in this city buy their cologne from Cat Piss r ’ Us this summertime because I have never reek such miserableness .

6.

people verbalise about “ as per my last e-mail ” as being an act of antagonism but I just had to crack out an “ I ’m not sure how I can clarify this any further ”

7.

STOP ! NARCING ! I brought a lachrymation can to dinner tonight because a supporter had given it to me originally . as I was leaving the restaurant , a woman told a server “ she ’s steal your watering can ! ” and then I had to be like “ this is actually mine ” which is hinder for no reason !

8.

worker remind writers they ’re still picketingpic.twitter.com/DxU0tO2jO4

9.

I think Joe Jonas overestimate how much the average person is Team Joe Jonas . I did n’t sit through 8 seasons of the most stressful poorly lit show to support that man .

10.

A hombre ask me what it was like to be a woman in the work and another guy wire answer for me . Nailed it .

11.

When Mariah Carey litigate that billionaire boyfriend she had for wasting her time and won a multi - million dollar settlement , that ’s daughter mathematics .

12.

One thing about Taylor … she ’s gon na contact your mum 😩 you may not hear from her after a month . But she emphatically gon na meet your mamma .

13.

I trust this pawl never stops biting secret service . How does this keep happeninghttps://t.co/Rnm0ApW73 M

14.

rich masses are like we have to disguise the refrigerator

15.

I ’m nonchalantly fuck this Isle of Man . He text me . I come to the door . We lie with . Awkwardly make small talk for 10 moment . He leaves . But tonight was different . I offered this man a weewee , he commence tell apart me something he ’s aroused for this hebdomad . It was adorable . I immediately said pass on

16.

i sire the covid champion and a flu slam in the first place today and the hombre devote it to me was like “ are you beget this for shoal or work ? ” and i panicked and said “ for sport ”

17.

“ would you like to check your account Libra ? ” god no . my counterpoise is none of my business

18.

absolutely sobbing that this man is querying my agent by saying my novel was in his laundry roompic.twitter.com/puG5TaqgUj

19.

Remember when we were like “ block pop opprobrious people ” and someone was like we ’ll change “ overlord bedroom ” to “ main bedroom ? ”

20.

Husband , sidereal day 1 of owning a dog : It ’s just a dog . Husband , day 2 of have a dog : We should give the dog a center name .

21.

Someone stole my identity yesterday and opened a bunch of account in my name , include a sportswoman look account where he won like hundred of dollars . today I exit the account and collected all of that money . Getting your identity stolen rules ! ! !

22.

lowkey " usurp him " and " unhand me " were huge for the english language

23.

this is the play list someone makes after frantically googling ' music’https://t.co / myIq8doscF

24.

Boy math is opening up your marriage so you could fuck around then getting sick bc your wife is gettin slammed while you badly overestimated your grocery value

25.

stymie me if you want but I ’m excited for it to get cold-blooded at night so I can truly be on my snug as a bug in a rug plot

26.

Have n’t learn no squirrels late and all of a sudden mc Donald ’s got 50 penny burgers

27.

“ skin care is a scam ” lol ok well I ’ve been using anti aging products sacredly since I was 18 , now I ’m 34 and can easily pass for 32 … who ’s laughing now

28.

start out a friendly personal cull from a powder store that enunciate they liked my submission , but they only accept “ submission from writer in the westerly US ” and like…pic.twitter.com/cVB4pZkTD5

29.

detest when multitude are chronically late . let on them to be selfish , scatterbrained , etc . unlike my own tardiness which is always just a casualty of Poor Infrastructure

30.

“ you demand to sign up for your MBD medication because it ’s extremely habit-forming , ” says my pharmacist before handing over a ethical drug I need to set at least six phone consternation to remember to take

31.

my Book of Job ? nfl team vivid designer . my mission ? to make a bird aspect as mean as potential

32.

Forgetting your manner in the south is ma’amnesia

33.

Sophie Turner is currently in the immaculate status of being able to listen to Taylor Swift detachment birdcall literally written about her x & I think that ’s beautiful

34.

Another day , another rung of mankind ask , " Why are women attracted to this mildly unlawful looking at fashion plate ? " Honey , every char you know has a crush on the animated cartoon fox version of Robin Hood , and this is what beat you ?

35.

I still ca n’t get over the fact that the Vatican tried to ask over Hozier to perform Take Me To Church 💀 Imagine ask your # 1 hater to babble out his chart - topping hatred song ABOUT YOU ? ? ? 💀 😭 😭 😭

36.

asking u to send good energy to the sephora employee at the register who looked at me , taken aback , and went “ your voice is so calming . i ’ve just experience a fate today and … .. it ’s just so solace ” after i say “ hi . yes , just this ”

37.

Babe , what ’s amiss ? You ’ve barely chugged your Eggo Brunch in a Jar Appalachian Sippin ’ Creampic.twitter.com/rKPDboLqRJ

38.

I had day surgery today ( nothing swelled ) and they were like " do n’t make any of import decisions in the next 24 hours bc you might not recall them . " But I had to go grocery shopping . Later Morgan was like " you bought … so much , like a great deal , of cheese . "

39.

if a womanhood secernate you you have “ nice hands ” she is doing everything in her office not to have it away you senseless please release her from her torment her friends are find the form of message someone in prison would ship

40.

rap require to end . You know how many hoot I can name now ? It ’s too much .

41.

my therapist had me a do a lil exercise and we had to produce a weighing machine of 0 to 100 and she require me to give an example of what 0 would be in damage of feeling no discomfort / anxiety and i said “ after doing a whippet ” and then she wrote for what seemed like longer than those 4 words

42.

my sister did n’t recall that i provide this morningpic.twitter.com/Qoe8GDtRF6

43.

Boy math is paying $ 44 billion for a $ 25 billion company and , through business smarts and entrepreneurial know how , wrick it into an $ 8.8 billion society

44.

WAS RUNNING FOR THE TRAIN . FOOT SLIPPED OUT OF BIRKENSTOCK . TOUCHED SUBWAY STATION GROUND WITH ENTIRE FLAT BARE SOLE

45.

People who grew up in a small town ca n’t expect to recount you how that stop light used to be a stay planetary house .

46.

Boy math is how 5’10 ” measuring stick 6’https://t.co/85djuD5Nql

47.

My Tinder bio : pic.twitter.com / KIe79ta6XC

48.

hey sorry I missed your text , I am march a non - stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to deplete berry in a cave

49.

determination paralysis is so funny . i ’m like “ do i want pizza for lunch or a burrito ? ” and my genius is like “ actually i ’d rather starve to death ”

50.

Heavy suspiration . I was mouth to a coworker last hebdomad , and she get a phone call that transfer to her super - nerveless watch . She point to her wrist and said , " Sorry , my son is calling!“I said , " Wow ! Like Dick Tracy!“Today I am explain to my handler why I called her a " Dick " .

51.

yesterday I was try out to eat tuna out of a can and the cats VERY intelligibly believe it was Arabian tea food and I was so humiliated . they were n’t even begging they just watched me take this can to my bed like bitch you are lost

52.

We shoulda riot when Dollar Tree added that stern . That was the beginning of the close .

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