" It ’s my mother ’s default reaction whenever she does n’t like what I ’m say . "
Note : This story discusses intimate and aroused abuse .
Statisticsshowthat about half of all women and men in the U.S. have experienced some form of psychological aggression by a partner. And family and domestic violence — which includes child abuse, intimate partner abuse, and elder abuse —affectsan estimated 10 million people every year in the U.S.
Since these numbers are incredibly high, it unfortunately means you may know (or have known) someone who has experienced abuse within an interpersonal relationship — even if they might not have realized it at first.
So when I saw Reddit userakand_1ask: “What is abuse and people don’t realize it?” I thought it would be helpful to read some of the answers below to help identify some of the different types of abuse. Here’s what they had to say below:
1.“Sibling rivalry that goes unchecked by parents. Man, I can’t believe how common/ignored sibling abuse is. Neglectful parents plus unruly children is a recipe for disaster.”
2.“Harnessing therapy speak to absolve oneself of accountability.”
— uracil / Comfortable - Ear-9186
" My favorite example is the misuse and manipulation of boundaries . Boundaries are a way for you to rule your own behavior in the spirit of your own protection ; they are not rules to impose on other people .
For model , a veridical boundary : ' I do n’t feel safe around you when you tope . If you are fuddle , I can not be around you . ' A phony boundary : ' You are not allowed to imbibe around me , I do n’t like it . ' Abusers throw around this concept to control you , like the classic : ' My boundaries are that you ca n’t go out without me , have on provocative clothing , and you have to text me constantly when we are n’t together , and you ca n’t say no because they ’re my bound . ' It shut the victim down because it makes them seem like they are harming their maltreater by resist them . "
— atomic number 92 / Em29ca
3.“Mothers who treat their sons like surrogate boyfriends/husbands. If their sons DARE to have a girlfriend or get married, these women act like they’re being cheated on.”
4.“Invalidating your feelings by making it about them and how you holding them accountable is upsetting them.”
— u / SunflowerGirl728
" This is my mother ’s default whenever she does n’t like what I ’m state , ' Oh , I ’m sorry , I ’m the worst mother in the world and your puerility was terrible . ' Like eff off — that ’s not what I ’m enounce and you know it . "
— uranium / SheepPup
5.“Neglect. Neglect IS abuse.”
6.“Manipulation under the guise of caring for what happens to you.”
— atomic number 92 / First_Catch_3919
" bed but with term . My stepson ’s dad is this way of life : ' If you tell me you ’re accept fun at your mom ’s sign it means you do n’t love me . '
He ca n’t celebrate his joyousness unless it ’s with him . "
— u / SnatchAddict
7.“Trying to ‘test’ people’s food allergies because they don’t believe them or trying to sneak a food someone doesn’t like into a dish to prove them wrong.”
8.“Continuing a certain behavior after the person you are affecting has (repeatedly) asked you to stop. But-I’m-Not-Touching-You-ism is a short route to abusive behavior.”
— u / Mullet_Police
9.“Yelling. Years of walking on eggshells will damage a person’s nervous system.”
10.“Reactive abuse. Basically, abusers will poke and prod their victim so much until their victim has an explosive reaction. The abuser will then use this reaction as justification for their abuse or to further manipulate and gaslight the victim.”
— uracil / HuggyMummy
" There seems to be this figure for one person to stonewall the other and refuse to respond even about crucial matters that require quislingism . Then when the other company reach the end of their rope and yells or becomes verbally unfriendly , the stonewaller designate to it and call ill-usage . Yelling looks like abuse from the outside , but stonewalling about significant matter like parenting decisions , share finances , etc is abuse that flies under the radar . "
— u / BatmanandReuben
11.“Commanding both parties’ finances. Not just being a breadwinner, but also shaming the other party for making purchases and/or demanding their paycheck.”
12.“Gatekeeping hygiene and not teaching your child about normal hygiene and personal care. I didn’t even realize it was a common thing with narcissistic parents until recently.”
— u / HealthyInPublic
" I ’m realizing this as an grownup . thing like care for my hair , how to put on makeup or buy clothes and oecumenical hygiene my family would bemock me for . That and ' mutual sense ' criminal maintenance when I was a bit older , like doing oil change for your car or even as basic as when to scrub a toilet or how to do laundry . Or how to cook .
It was n’t until I was an grownup and in therapy that I realized they loved to blackguard me for thing it was their province to teach .
gratefully , the net has been invented . That plus my saint of a husband and an super loving and affected role find oneself phratry grouping has helped me catch up . "
— atomic number 92 / elcasaurus
13.“Messing with someone’s sleep.”
14.“Stonewalling a partner.”
— u / enjoycryptonow
" Being on the receiving ending of this , this is physically painful . I was curious about this when I was extend through it and it reverse out there is existent enquiry that supports being on the receiving terminal of societal exclusion activates the same areas in your brain that physical pain does . "
— uracil / acct4dumbQs
15.“Driving recklessly with you in the car.”
16.“Telling a child how they should feel: ‘You should be grateful.’ ‘You should be happy.’ ‘You should be sorry.’ It shows the child just how little the parent actually cares about their feelings. The child is just a doll to them that they think they can control. I remember my cat’s leg and tail were broken, and my dad told me: ‘You should be happy because I didn’t shoot her.’ I will never forgive him for that.”
— u / PocketGoblix
17.“Parentification. I recently learned in therapy that it wasn’t normal that I was cooking and changing my siblings diapers when I was eight.”
18.“Using personal things someone has told you against them when you are angry. My husband does this and tries to pretend he’s being ‘constructive,’ rather than just cruel. And I’m working on getting my shit together to get the fuck out because I’m tired of being painted as the bad guy when I get upset.”
— u / dixiequick
19.“Not letting people express negativeemotionsbecause it’s ‘negativity.'”
20.“Altruistic narcissism. People who do their best to be extremely helpful to everyone around them, but it’s all a manipulative act. They don’t actually care about you or what you go through, they just want everyone to see them in a good light.”
— u / JayEdwards902
" And then when you have any job with them whatsoever , they immediately weaponize their ' kind acts"‘against you : ' I ’ve done so much for you , how could you ! ! You should be grateful ! ! ' "
— uranium / ITriedSoHard419 - 68
21.“Breaking things while angry with their partner/kid (punching a hole in the wall for example).”
TheNational Alliance on Mental Illnesshelpline is 1 - 888 - 950 - 6264 ( NAMI ) and allow information and referral services;GoodTherapy.orgis an connexion of mental wellness professionals from more than 25 body politic who hold effort to concentrate harm in therapy .
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence , call 911 . For anon. , secret help , you’re able to call the 24/7National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1 - 800 - 799 - 7233 ( SAFE ) or chat with an counselor via the website .
If you or someone you eff is skin with substance abuse , you could call SAMHSA ’s National Helpline at 1 - 800 - 662 - service ( 4357 ) and find more resourceshere .
