" The problem with forward-looking rom - coms is everyone is too clever and quippy . Let me watch two stutter half-wit struggle through a low - bet conversation , PLEASE . " — @caitiedelaney
It looks like thedating rumorsabout Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are true, which means I suddenly care about football for the first time in my three-plus decades on this planet.
Ca n’t waitress to get a line the record album Taylor save after at long last date someone red-hot . Gon na be neat cracker .
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
1.
Another day , another round of men asking , " Why are women attracted to this mildly improper looking for fellow ? " Honey , every woman you have it off has a crush on the cartoon fox interpretation of Robin Hood , and this is what baffles you ?
2.
first tattoo : it is so significant I get this right hand , it is for lifeevery other tattoo : just having a laugh really
3.
Taylor Swift is dating an American for the first time since the Obama administration . Thank you Joe Biden.pic.twitter.com/fWcTIJOptL
4.
my therapist had me a do a lil exercise and we had to produce a graduated table of 0 to 100 and she want me to give an instance of what 0 would be in terminus of feeling no uncomfortableness / anxiety and i said “ after doing a whippet ” and then she wrote for what seemed like longer than those 4 words
5.
The problem with New romcoms is everyone is too fuckin cagey and quippy . Let me watch two bumbling half-wit shin through a broken post conversation PLEASE
6.
Someone stole my indistinguishability yesterday and opened a caboodle of account in my name , including a sports betting account where he won like 100 of dollars . today I closed the report and collected all of that money . sire your identity stolen rule ! ! !
7.
i hate my friendspic.twitter.com/G2TH9RFeCK
8.
When my gamey school beau who was a pro lawn tennis player broke my heart , I created t - shirts to trade that enunciate “ sexual love means nothing in tennis ”
9.
i just think that , in any quixotic or platonic relationship , if you ’re good at juggling you need to bring out that upfront
10.
thrilled to report my downstairs neighbors seem to think the regular current of taskrabbits coming up to my business firm are men i am bally every hr on the hour
11.
I had to excuse who Offset was to my papa during the Colorado game and he had absolutely no context for what I was talking about . “He ’s Cardi B ’s married man . ““And who is that?”” … How am I sound to do this … "
12.
Got a friendly personal cull from a clip that said they wish my meekness , but they only accept “ submission from authors in the westerly US ” and like…pic.twitter.com/cVB4pZkTD5
13.
halt ! NARCING ! I contribute a lachrymation can to dinner tonight because a friend had given it to me earlier . as I was provide the eating house , a woman told a waiter “ she ’s stealing your watering can ! ” and then I had to be like “ this is in reality mine ” which is embarrassing for no reason !
14.
The first year husband & I were married he yell out in the middle of the night . I start awake and expect what was wrong and he said , “ I had a aspiration that you rolled over and your aspect was really a demon face . ”And then he went back to quietus . Reader , I did not .
15.
the expectant wonderment and cataclysm of modern life is that if you require a young torch , there is a subreddit of 181k members who can channelise you toward one that costs $ 67
16.
me the second it ’s below 70 degreespic.twitter.com/44AQQrxBlk
17.
How is it that everybody from my hometown is wed with kids but nobody from my college is espouse with kids . This maths does n’t add together up to me . Bc the people from my hometown also pop off to college . So explain how this is happening
18.
When Mariah Carey sued that billionaire boyfriend she had for wasting her time and won a multi - million one dollar bill small town , that ’s girl maths .
19.
Have n’t seen no squirrel lately and all of a sudden mc Donald ’s got 50 cent Burger
20.
I intercept by the penny-pinching store down the street today and … pic.twitter.com / pH737GuPvH
21.
One thing about Taylor … she ’s gon na get together your ma 😩 you may not get word from her after a calendar month . But she definitely gon na assemble your mom .
22.
It turn out if I want to go to sleep by 11 pm , I have to start the process at 9:30pm .
23.
you know when you scan about how in olden prison term women would apply lead to their face as a cosmetic ? that ’s fundamentally us rn with plastic tupperware
24.
i love it when i can distinguish a protagonist is doing their content rounds . thank you for sending me a tweet and a tiktok during your shift at the post manufactory fagot . see you again in 2 - 8 hour
Don’t miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
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…or the funniest tweets of summer 2023!
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