" Children should never have to initiate communication or seek to have an active relationship with their parents ; that is solely the parents ' responsibility . i asked my daddy once why he was so absent my entire life , specially after the divorce , and he enjoin , ' Well , you do n’t call me either . ' I was 10 when they split . "
Recently, wewrote aboutthe mistakes people feel their parents made with them that they refuse to make with their own children, and members of theBuzzFeed Communitypiped in with their own submissions. Here are 24 more toxic parenting habits people will not pass on to their kids.
1.“Children should never have to initiate communication or try to have an active relationship with their parents; that is solely the parents' responsibility. I asked my dad once why he was so absent my entire life, especially after the divorce, and he said, ‘Well, you don’t call me either.’ I was 10 when they split.”
— weatherboy
" As an adult , this is so hard to explain to my parents . They state me I never call … I was like … you did n’t even call me on my BIRTHDAY . Yet , I ’m supposed to mean to call you regularly ? For what ? To finger like hoot ? "
— areyoukidding
2.“How about identifying things as ‘boy things’ or ‘girl things’… No kid should be shamed or dismissed or dissuaded from expressing themselves however they want to. Even if it doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes.”
— tronnomo
" This . I was a tomboy , and my mum and grandma supported my love ofScooby Dooand grunge and writhe colony . My Logos ( he ’s 5 ) like it when I paint his nail . He get a line me do mine and loves it when I do his , too . The first time his pop and I have into a big fight over it . His dad came around , and it definitely stem from the fixed , traditional room he was raised . But I have never and will never gender things like that . "
— mandyjean
" I identify as nonbinary now , but as a nestling in the ' 80s/’90s , I was only able to play with girlfriend thing like Barbies . No one ever thought to get me a chemical science set or anything , even though i thought science was very nerveless . "
— aka_rory
3.“Not keeping promises you keep with your children, especially those on the spectrum… I’m on it myself, and I do take people’s words and promises very literally, and when I was going through both high school and college, my mom and my grandparents promised me trips to California and Europe, respectively. My part of the agreement was to finish school and show them diplomas. I did my part, even though I damn near burned out. What did they come back to me with? ‘Oh, well how’s the trip going to be paid for? Where’s the money going to come from? You want the trip, you pay for it. We only said this to motivate you…’ WHAT. THE. FUCK. And you ask me why I’m so unsure about you lot?! I DID MY PART!”
— jayjjimenez
4.“Forcing your kids to do things that they don’t want to do. Physical touch is one definitely, but also activities and such. If they say they don’t want to do something, they don’t have to do it (unless, like, something important for them like going to bed at a decent time).”
— cinderellie
" Ugh , this . I was not an acrobatic kid , at all , but my parents made me play every sport that their friends ' kids were playing . They would n’t permit me skip any of it , and I hated it because I was awful and disliked because I was not an asset to the team , also I was just never into sports and am still not . If they would have followed my lead , I would have belike excelled in my existent interests of music and fine art , but I did n’t get into that until eminent school when it was in conclusion available to me . They always said I had to do sports for strong-arm exercise , but I could have make into aerobic exercise or terpsichore — they only pick sports because it was their social event with their friend . That part of my childhood was so miserable . "
— altenbas
" My parents would force me to do mutation , but I never knew the reasonableness . My mom asked me once , ' Wanna play soccer this season ? ' I said no , and she got mad and say she ’d lecture to my dad about it . Idk if they even talked , but they signed me up anyways . They would n’t let me hop-skip practices , even if I felt sick . And then if I ever complained or said , ' Can I skip this one ? I ’m not really feeling like it today , ' they ’d be like , ' We spent all this money for you to do this ! ! How presume you ? ! Blah blah blah . ' I did n’t even desire to do this ! So frustrating . "
5.“My dad figured out I was good with painting when I was about 10, and he always demanded that. Instead of wasting time hanging out and having a good time with friends, I painted. He wanted me to a prodigy. I wasn’t. But he insisted that I paint all through my teens and early 20s. And every time I did paint something, he’d always start out his critique with ‘it’s good, but this needs to be changed…and this…and this…and this.’ It would always come down to him being disgusted with the end result and me being in tears, because I couldn’t do what he wanted me to. I threw the brush in 15 years ago, and every time I do want to start painting again, I find a shit ton of excuses not to, because I’m afraid it’ll be shit. And I’ll be disappointed in myself.”
— galoux
6.“Denying your kids from engaging in activities on ‘religious’ grounds. Growing up, my father was extremely religious and would constantly watch and read ‘religious’ news, and as a result, he came up with certain things that were banned for us (even though other kids in my church were not). Like, I never got to celebrate Halloween (go trick or treating, dressing up, or even being in school that day), I was not allowed to watch or readHarry Potter, I could not playPokémoncards or watch the cartoons. Being forbidden from these really popular things really isolated me from my peers. And as a result, I had a hard time bonding with others and making friends. I think it’s the reason why I became so shy, something that I still can’t get past even as an adult.”
— juvebuffon
" Same . I was raised Jehovah ’s Witness , and the thing I was n’t allowed was LONG . No holiday or birthdays , no hang out with my school friends outside of school , I could n’t study FICTION like the fuckingBaby - Sitters Club . There was one metre my mom was finger particularly avid , and she made me confuse out my books ( I am a reader , so it offend ) . When I was n’t study for shoal , I had to canvass bible shit . I was encouraged to literally tell kids at school about ' The Truth ' to get them to exchange . I had to assure mybest friendthat we could n’t see each other any longer ever because I had to go to another district for mellow school . It was heartbreaking . "
7.“My parents thought it was appropriate to ban me from going to school dances my freshman year of high school. I wasn’t allowed to go on a date until age 16. Guys thought I turned them down because I was stuck up, because there was no way I would admit the truth. I would actually trust my child and never, ever tank their social life.”
— saraho4a20298d2
" My parent are Gen X and ostracize me from going to any saltation , game , or social activities my total time in high school and college . I was n’t allow to have booster , could n’t even be caught spill to anyone . I had a strict 3:30 p.m. curfew . It was hard and so socially insulate to the point where I fight with societal skills well into my adulthood . "
— mickie98
8.“My mother complained about me eating snacks outside of mealtime all the time. She also didn’t feed us very nutritious foods. And when I was half anorexic in high school and the only time I ate was after school, or very late in the evening for band practice reasons, she’d tell me I was gonna get fat. … Parents need to stop projecting on to their kids.”
— heatherw62
" I love my mom so much , but I have been dieting since I was 6 years former . I clearly remember being in first degree and weighing 60 lbs . and receive to use our weight for a class appointment , and I panic because I did n’t want anyone to know that I weigh so much because my mom was upset I weighed that . It also led to untreated eating disorders all throughout my teen . She did the best she could , but she distinctly has undiagnosed feeding upset because to this day , she ’s most lofty of me for being thin . "
— baroquemama0226
9.“Always being forced to clear my plate and/or eat more than I wanted to…or when I’d be hungry outside of normal meal time for a snack, I’d be asked if I was actually hungry or just bored. All of it conditioned me to not understand my body’s hunger cues. Either to not trust my body when it said it was full or create disordered and guilty eating habits. I never properly learned how to listen to my body’s hunger cues because it was either lying to me that I was hungry or lying to me that I was full.”
— carlieahern
10.“We had a pig in our fridge that would oink every time we opened it (triggered by the fridge light). It was so we wouldn’t eat except for the meals provided, but it sent some pretty clear signals. Also, sometimes we were fucking hungry and should have been able to eat.”
— lulupanda57
11.“My family never talked about anything uncomfortable. I never got the sex talk, just ‘God doesn’t like it so don’t do it.’ What is it? How does it work? What happens if I’m in xyz situation? I think the first time my parents heard something about mehaving a crushwhen I was little, I was told that I better not have a crush. Even if it was joking, it stuck. I’ve never been able to tell my parents who I had a crush on.”
" I never get to talk to them when things went wrong , or thing that fit mightily for that thing . I could n’t enquire about amour or get any relationship advice . I wish I had that kind of kinship with my ma . "
— cmjd77
12.“One thing that was always said to me was that if I follow my dreams (I’m still playing music to this day — that will never stop), I’ll end up homeless and/or broke. This was told to me by a lot of adults when I was growing up. What they didn’t realize is that saying something like that to a kid when they’re growing up will have a huge impact on their adult lives. Now, I keep putting off things I want to do because I have the images and memories of these people stuck in my mind. it traumatized me to the point that even when I had a record deal (which I lost later, long story), I felt like I was cheating people out of an opportunity, and again, those words I had been told growing up kept echoing in my mind. I will never do that to my two wonderful sons whom I love very much. Watch what you say to kids, man. For real.”
— colindowner1984
13.“I don’t have kids, but if I did, I would never embarrass them by talking or teasing them about their bodies. I don’t mean important, necessary conversations about health, bodily functions, consent, sexuality, etc. I mean grown-ass adults teasing kids and asking things like whether their boobs are growing or if they have body hair yet.”
" Maybe my extended family was just weird , but they told each other EVERYTHING . I was a quiet , secret child , and I would just require the trading floor to spread out up and swallow me when they made me the center of attention at a large family assemblage just so they could ask me embarrassing question . I ’m 53 , and my mom get so mad at me because I still do n’t share health or body - related things with her . It all stems from that pity and embarrassment as a minor . My body is MINE , and we ’re not go to lecture about it unless and until I want to . "
— absepa
14.“Choosing your partner over your child is a big one for my childhood. My ex-stepdad used to emotionally and mentally abuse me day in, day out. I ate too much, I was worthless, I was stupid, I was pathetic, I was a waste of space, and everyone would have been happier if I’d fucked off to Australia with my dad. My bedroom wasn’t my bedroom, it was my ‘room to use.’ I had literally no boundaries — he would just fling my door open, look round, usually laugh at what I was doing (because the idea that I could read was hilarious somehow), then disappear again.”
" No one ever stood up for me so I did n’t know how to stand up for myself until I was 29 . With my own kids , I ’m overly protective to a point where my partner cue my kids ( gently , I might add ) to clean their room like I take or do the dish like I asked , and I ’m parachute down his pharynx . It ’s a muckle to undo . "
— zoe020113
" For me , it ’s the fact that my parents ( who had me at 18 , and divorce when I was 12 ) consistently chose their honey interests post - divorce over parenting me and my younger babe . It was n’t a dead - lived thing ; it hold out on to the extent that when my mom remarry and the man did n’t like us , he gave me and my baby a choice : pay rent or leave . We were 16 and 14 , respectively , and my mom went along with it . I ’m now a parent of a 15 - yr - old , and I would literally take felony murder charge before I would let some man cover my nipper like that .
PS : Our dad was an dynamic alky who was in and out of mental wellness facilities and homelessness , so he was n’t any aid or refuge . My sister ended up moving across the country with random second cousins , and I move out on my own at 16 . "
— jenm47faa724d
15.“My parents are wonderful, but like all parents, they made mistakes. One that really ground my gears was comparing me to their friends' kids. In that tone, they’d say, ‘Well, Billy just made the dean’s list and has been pre-accepted into so and so law school…’ Like…okay? Good for him? Am I supposed to be sorry I’m not like Billy?”
— misterfrooby
16.“My parents didn’t discuss things like politics or current events with us, not ever. I grew up having no idea what their political leanings were, or what my dad’s religious beliefs were (my mom is a Jehovah’s Witness, and religion was NOT up for discussion AT ALL unless it was to say how false every other religion was).”
" My tyke know where my husband and I stand politically , why we ’re pro - prize and why we sense that way , why vote matters , and so on . We talk about what our perquisite are and what we can do to aid those who do n’t have the same prerogative . We have dinner table discussion about what ’s going on in the reality . We took the nipper to Christian church when they were younger but did n’t make them keep decease once they were honest-to-god enough to delay home alone , and we take over that our older is agnostic ( but still like to be involve with the young group because he enjoy the people and the benevolent piece of work ) and that our young is still figuring it out . "
— skiinggnat
17.“I would never belittle my child for their chosen profession. I was almost spat at when I said I wanted to be a teacher. I felt so crushed and hated I went to law school. That didn’t happen, and long story short, I ended up being a teacher anyway. It just took longer. I am good at what I do and have been doing it for 26 years.”
" I see my crime syndicate and make love ones doing this to the next generation now , and it make me pop off a little in spite of appearance . I do what I can to talk to and support them in being themselves . But my hubby and I will NOT do this to our son . "
— mccallakathryn
18.“I grew up in a show no feelings and then explode and scream household. I’m an emotional person and a crier, so as a kid, I was regularly told to stop crying or called oversensitive. It took me until I was in my 30s to really learn proper emotional regulation. Being told I’m too sensitive is still triggering to me and signals to me that the person really has no desire to hear or try to understand where I am coming from.”
" My father has also never in my retention secern me he is proud of me or have a go at it me . I know he does , but still , ' I ’m proud ' or ' I love you ' would be squeamish to hear . "
— applesaucey
19.“I have children and was successful in changing a pattern. My mom could NEVER admit that she was wrong and would be furious if a mistake was pointed out. My husband and I will admit when we are wrong. We also got teased or shamed if we didn’t know how to do something. It took me well into my adult life to feel okay about asking someone to show me how to do something.”
— psycwench
" My parent had a rule that if you had to ask for an apology , then I did n’t deserve one . Never had to take accountability . "
— scottm1
20.“Having a certain idea of who you want your kids to be and forcing it on them. My parents had this expectation that I would be perfect, I’d only focus on school and become a doctor. As a result, they would blow up every time I didn’t know something or made mistakes. They also put this pressure on me to always have straight As and to be a prestigious doctor. Since I was little, anytime I shared any ambitions for a different career path, they would shut me down and say that it wasn’t good enough because I didn’t make six figures and that I would be wasting my time on something that wasn’t being a doctor. Now they wonder why I never open up to them about things, but if they’d have been more supportive and didn’t force their idea of a perfect daughter on me, I’d feel comfortable sharing about my interests or my struggles.”
— allthatglittersisdiamonds
21.“A mistake that pretty much all parents do in my country — yelling at the top of their lungs EVERY TIME they do something bad. This not only can cause anxiety as an adult, but forcing the kid to act like an adult increases the chances of being immature as an adult.”
— stellapsycho22
22.“I will not minimize my kids’emotions. I grew up with parents who blew off any negative feelings I had. They told me to grow up, or deal with it, or called me ungrateful or selfish, anything to avoid the fact that I was upset or invalidate what I was feeling. I had vicious mood swings and would lash out because I didn’t ever feel like I was being heard. Turns out I had an undiagnosed mental illness caused by a hormone imbalance, and if they took my moods seriously, I might have been diagnosed and medicated before my 30s.”
— maggiem45481cd39
23.“My mother was a single parent by choice, and yet, she acted like I was a burden, and if not for having to deal with me, she could be happy and do great things. It was especially annoying because I was a child actor so I paid most of the bills growing up. I’m the burden? Please, I’m the only reason we had a roof over our heads and food!”
" She ’s pass now , but it still upset me , and deplorably , she died when I was 15 so we never spoke about it . The only good thing about it all was I was able to become emancipated at 15 and live on my own . I had reasonably much raised myself so I was able to operate . "
— travelcat147
24.And finally… “I’m not having kids, but if I did, I wouldn’t make fun of everything they enjoyed. I was mocked over every single thing I loved. I hyper-fixated on my joys, which turns out was because I had undiagnosed ADHD all along (and I might be ghosting along the spectrum), but I was relentlessly made to feel bad and stupid about the things I loved. Music, movies, writing, didn’t matter what.”
— saraa4a00f7b8f
" Ever get really excited about something and tell your parents , only to have them tell you , ' That ’s not that big of a deal , do n’t get so excited , and you well not get a big head about it . ' Now , they do n’t get word anything about my aliveness , good or tough . "
