" I ’m excited about the hereafter ; I just hope to be there for my house as long as I can . "
Being a woman is also being consistently reminded of your “biological clock.” It’s like a feeling of running from this unknown entity you can’t even see. Somehow, the concept of a biological clock turned into this scary, looming feeling about needing to have kids by a certain age or you just never will, and that’s just not always the case.
So, Iaskedmembers of theBuzzFeed Communitywho had their children later in life to tell me about their experience and what was amazing or strenuous about it, and here’s what they had to say:
1.I had my first child at 26. I always wanted more, but fate dictated it wasn’t meant to be. Then, I was blessed with a second child at the age of 41. I feel so lucky, but it’s a lot harder at 41 than it was at 26. I am TIRED, and everything aches!"
2.“My parents were first-time parents at 31 and 39, common ages for first-time parents today but fairly rare 40+ years ago. Now I’m 43 (with a 5- and 10-year-old), my father has been dead for a year, and my mom is becoming frail due to chronic autoimmune disease. As of last month, all of my uncles and aunts are gone, and my last living grandparents died in 2012 and 2014.”
" Although having a well - constitute union and a lot more money than I had in my XX has afforded my tyke a comfortable , unchanging life ( and I would n’t change that for anything ) , having almost no congeneric left from the sure-enough contemporaries kind of suction . We fortunately still have my hubby ’s parents , but I think it ’s middling potential that by the metre my kids are my age , I may be gone , too . Ironically , my life-time has probably been shortened as a direct resolution of my own pregnancies . "
— lizb0980
3.“I had my daughter at 36, and she 100% made my life better. Fear and procrastination went away, and I’ve never felt more powerful and focused. Her dad is older but not very helpful, so it’s good that her wonderful life has boosted all my abilities and self-confidence. I would have been a crappy mom in my 20s.”
4.“The level of patience I have as an older parent compared to my younger self has kept me sane. In addition, I was able to have a better understanding of my triggers and manage them better as an older parent. A difficulty is finding other older parents. Going to playgrounds, setting up play dates, and/or school functions, we’re always the oldest parents and are in different life stages. This has been a challenge.”
— Anonymous
5.“I had our daughter when I was 43 and my husband was 46. Financially, we are in a great place with set careers, so that’s a plus! The downside is that most of our friends have kids graduating high school, or some are even grandparents, so we don’t get many invites out anymore; no one wants a whiney toddler running around. But that’s ok with us! We waited so long that we just enjoy all the time we have as a family.”
6.“I had my third child at 40, and I’m just SO darn tired. I’d love to have three more babies, but I can’t imagine doing the toddler years ever again. I don’t think I’d physically or mentally survive.”
— donutholes
7.“I had my first at 38 after unexpectedly getting pregnant at 37, and I am three days away from having my second at 40. My husband is five years younger, so he is about right on schedule for where he wanted these major life events to happen. I have become a huge advocate for waiting to start a family when possible. We had already been together for five years when we found ourselves pregnant, and we were both absolutely sure that this was the right path for both of us.”
8.“I had my first at 39 after three rounds of IVF. My pregnancy was awesome, but my labor was a nightmare. I hadpreeclampsia, and I had my labor induced. I was in labor for 32 hours, pushed for 6 hours (yes, you heard right), only to have an emergency c-section. My daughter was stuck in the birth canal, and getting her out was difficult. My rehab was agonizing. I couldn’t lift my legs without assistance for six weeks. I was very in shape before labor, so this all came as a big shock.”
" Now she ’s 1 , and she is howling … but , oh my god , so much energy . I ca n’t keep up with her , and unfortunately , my spouse is deployed , so I do n’t really get much help . COVID made the child - guardianship crisis very bare . I have n’t been capable to find rock-steady childcare , and I ’ve had to break off work . Most of the military partner I know do n’t work because they ca n’t find help . Bottom argument : consume baby is for the younger folks ; it ’s physically expel the older you get . "
— jleaps
9.“My wife and I intentionally waited 10 years after we married to have kids so we’d have plenty of time to get our careers started, travel, and just enjoy each other. For us, it was 100% the right choice, as we not only enjoyed our time together but also did a lot of maturing and working out the problem areas in our relationship before we added the chaos of kids.”
10.“I had my first baby at 33 through IVF, and my husband was 41. This was after five years of trying on our own. Then we unexpectedly got pregnant on our own two more times, and I had babies at ages 35 and 37. We never intended to have a baby at ages 37 and 45, but here we are, and we couldn’t imagine our lives without her. But I think the mix of three pregnancies in four years and my age destroyed my SI joint and hips. I think if I were younger, it wouldn’t have been so bad.”
" With child number three , I was in so much bother that I seriously was n’t sure if I could make it . I felt like my peg were going to give out on me because of the pain in the neck and impuissance impart on by SI joint dysfunction and SPD.I am better now , but still not at 100 % two years postpartum . Also , man , we are commonplace . count back to all those tardy night party in my former 20s and getting up and going to go the next daytime like it was no big passel makes me realize how much of an advantage it is to have tiddler young . But we are more established in our career , more mature , and have different priorities now . In a lot of style , it create it easier to have kidskin older . I ’ve heard people talk about not wanting to have tike at an honest-to-goodness eld because they wo n’t be around as long , but my dad was 34 when I was born and died at age 46 from pancreatic cancer when I was only 12 geezerhood one-time , and my sister was 6 , so who knows ? Age is n’t everything . It ’s about finding the ripe time for you . If I had gotten pregnant when we first started try , I would have had a infant at 27 , but I am glad it work out the fashion it did . "
11.“I was 34 when I had my first and only child and was treated like a grandma about it (this was in 2015, so not long ago). In the US, age 35 is when you’re considered’advanced maternal age,‘but my midwife insisted this applied to me even though my due date was four whole months before my 35th birthday. I was in a good relationship with my son’s dad, and although we did split a few years later, he is a good co-parent.”
12.“I had my last at 42, and she is so much fun. I already had two kids, though, and adding a third child in my 40s pushed my anxiety to the brink. Having one kid or two kids with two parents is manageable. When you add a third (or more), the potential for problems and fighting amongst the kids goes up exponentially. I had to start drinking coffee for energy but then developed GERD and couldn’t drink coffee without getting anxiety attacks and coughing attacks. I don’t regret having my daughter at all, but it’s hard.”
" I also sense bad because my marriage is n’t great , and once I finally dissociate my husband , I have a go at it my kids will hate me for a while , but it would n’t be materialize if he just render . I ’m tired of being the only one who assay to have a well kinship after two decades . He ’s had too many probability and failed ALL of them . I have been holding out to keep my kids as far away from my toxic in - laws as long as potential . Also , I ’m 50 now and still get my period . The idea of possibly getting meaning again is shivery . I get why so many women opt to get their pipe link up or have hysterectomy prior to menopause . I ca n’t await until I can live without the fear of fetch another kid into this world . Actually , when I think of everything that ’s happened since my last child was wear , I feel bad for bringing them into this world . "
13.“It was definitely easier in so many ways. Just knowing what matters, what they’ll outgrow, what to prioritize, and what not to worry about makes it so much easier for you, and the financial stability you have when you’re older takes away a whole level of stress from parenting. Just imagine if you were able to raise your kids without always worrying about money or perfection, or even if you’re doing the right things and making the right choices.”
14.“I had my daughter at 35, and honestly, even that was a bit late for me. If I’d left it much later, I don’t think we’d have had her. I have some health conditions, plus some reproductive issues, so she’s probably not getting a sibling, which is a shame because we wanted two initially. We did things the traditional way and got a house, stable jobs, and got married first. If I’d known then what I know now, we’d have started a family earlier. I know plenty of older moms who are amazing, but you just don’t know what your own future holds.”
— noimpillagingeverybody
15.“At 44, I had the realization that having kids wouldn’t be in my future. I was not successful in dating and was becoming more and more comfortable with never marrying. It hurt, but I accepted it. So I prayed for one last chance. Then I met my wife, and it all changed. And at 49, my kids were born. Yes, multiples; it took us a year of trying. She took a break from her stressful job, and wham!”
And finally, this person shared their incredible story, hardships, and complete joys of becoming a parent for the first time:
16.“We tried for children in our late 30s, right after we got married. Unfortunately, we suffered from fertility issues, and after 4.5 unsuccessful rounds of IVF, we started trying to adopt. Adoption takes a while, and there are agencies that have age restrictions. We waited five years before our son came along. I had always said that we would stop trying to adopt after I turned 45; we adopted my son when I was 44.”
observe : Submissions have been edit out for distance and/or clarity
