" I thought we were a perfect family because we did n’t scream . Sometimes I guess the yelling might have been preferable because at least it would ’ve been reliable . "
Parenting isn’t easy, and every parent is bound to make mistakes. But some mistakes stay with kids for years and years — to the point where they vow that as parents, they will never make that same mistake with their kids.
This can be especially common considering norms and parenting trends change drastically over the generations, so current millennial parents may view parenting completely different from how their parents did. When Reddit user-whitekingfr-asked, “What did your parents do to you that you will never do to your child?” a ton of millennials (and even Gen Z) chimed in with the things they’d NEVER do, and there was a ton of great advice and commiserating.
Here are 32 things people will never do to their kids that they experienced growing up.
1.“Ever be really excited about something you’ve done, tell someone about it, and have them give a half-hearted ‘That’s nice’ before going back to what they were doing, as if just politely acknowledging you exist is the same as being supportive? I’m going to try my hardest not to do that.”
— u / Alcopath
2.“On the flip side there’s being very enthusiastic about your interest because you could make money from it someday. So stop playing and focus because you’re doing it wrong, you’ll never make any money doing it that way, sit down and learn how to do it right, playtime’s over.”
— uracil / Slouch_Potato _
3.And along those lines… “Telling them that their dreams/hopes/aspirations are ‘really fucking stupid’ because ‘no one makes money doing ____’… Like, sometimes fulfillment is more important that being super wealthy, ya doink.”
— uranium / floofenutter
4.“Use humiliation as a form of punishment.”
— atomic number 92 / TowardsTheInevitable
" My stepmom used to record my mental breakdowns and peril to put up them on Facebook . One time she actually did … all of her supporter and family commented how awful it was that she would post it , and she deleted it , but the damage was already done . Every single time I encounter syndicate for the next few months , it was just , ' Are you okay ? I get wind what happened ; are you alright ? ' It was so sticky . "
— u / ItzSurgeBruh
" It was just me and my father , and he used to show my scene ( since I was , like , 5 ) and then fiddle them back to me over and over so ' [ I ] could see how ridiculous it looked ' among other things . I suffered from OCD and anxiety since I was really young , and he never believed in disorder like that so he used to purposely trigger me then say me I was so dramatic and to knock it off . My childhood leave me with the wont of bottling myemotionsand also becoming aggressive toward others who show bighearted emotions . I ’m function on it . "
5.“As an undiagnosed ADHD kid with two diagnosed ADHD kids of my own, I will NEVER use boredom as a punishment. I remember getting put in my room with no stimuli, the time felt like I was inInception, where one minute of punishment equaled an hour of IRL time. So yeah, my kids are probably a little less ‘disciplined’ than others, but I’m sorry, I can’t inflict the same torture knowing what it felt like. That’s why it’s so hard for me to understand how those that are abused continue the cycle. It definitely sent me completely in the opposite direction.”
— u / notfromsoftemployee
6.“Force religion on them. I completely understand and support encouraging your child to try to join you in your faith once they are old enough to understand it and make their own spiritual decisions, but forced spoonfeeding every Sunday during early developmental years before they know how to tell what is real and what isn’t just isn’t morally right in my mind.”
— uracil / thecrispystork
7.“Ignore the awkward conversations.”
— u / jdans10
" This also includes the sex and birth control conversation . My mom to this daytime still gets really uncomfortable . "
— u / reginafelangi123
8.“Being ‘midwest nice.'”
— uranium / Freedom_fam
" Midwest prissy is basically doing everything in your power to not ' make waves . ' You do n’t want to challenge anything , you do n’t need to highlight anything ' bad , ' and you play down everything so that everyone induce along . "
— atomic number 92 / VagueSoul
For good example : " ' Oh steady , countenance ’s babble out about this later , we do n’t want to make a fuss on Thanksgiving . ' "
— u/0chazz0
" This was my life ! ' What will neighbors think , ' and ' you ’ll regret try out that . ' I never fit in and knew my small fry would n’t either . I moved many DoS away to a ' live and let live ' environment . … I recently fit ' nursing home . ' I pick up the newspaper and go out all the gossip , and it trigger me . Everyone toy ' nice ' while gossiping and take joyousness in mass ’s pain . "
— u / Seagyspy
9.“Force my kids to eat, finish their plate, etc…. My mom had a terrible, abusive boyfriend that we lived with when I was 4 to 7. He would force me to eat all the food on my plate, and if I didn’t, I was beat. The food was so disgusting, I just couldn’t bring myself to eat it. I preferred his MRE’s [military ready-to-eat meals] to the food he cooked. A few years later, I went to live with family friends. (They never knew about the abuse.) They ALWAYS joked and commented about what a good eater I was. I’ve always been severely underweight, so I’ve always been able to impress people with how much I can eat. … I promised myself I would NEVER force my kids to eat, and I never did. When I cooked something new, my only rule was that everyone had to try one bite. That’s it. If you don’t like it, cool, but you can’t turn your nose up to it without even tasting it.”
— uracil / Black_Eyed_PeePees
10.“Criticize my child’s weight.”
— u / hollyjazzy
" My pa used to make a pig oink sound every time I went for second or work to eat lucre or any sort of sweets / dessert . I am so lucky I never germinate an eating disorder from that . "
— u/114631
" My parent sent me to a dreaded dietitian when I was 8 . I was put on a small calorie look diet as an 8 - yr - OLD kid . My parent and sisters did not even sustain me while I was on this dieting . They just kept eat on all the things I could n’t eat in front of me . … It is the reason why I keep contact with my family to a lower limit . "
— u / Kazoua1
" I love my ma , and we have a great kinship , but I did n’t agnize how toxic her relationship with her weight was and how it affected me as a fry until well into adulthood . She urged me to bet calories and watch my weightiness before I even hit middle school . I lost 15 lbs this summer due to a relapse of my depression , and she has been shower me with compliments ever since . Does not feel outstanding . "
— uranium / RunnerInterrupted
11.“Forcing them to be a pseudo parent to younger family members.”
rowenaravenclaw0
" My auntie had 13 babies in 13 age , so during my childhood , she was nearly always pregnant , or post natal . Being the only lady friend in the family , I was expected to help her wrangle her football game squad of boy . From the eld of 7 , I was anticipate to spend the majority of my time doing job for them . By 12 , I was expected to miss school some sidereal day . "
— u / rowenaravenclaw0
" I routinely have told my oldest daughter ( 7 ) to let me be the parent , and in turn , she gets to be the small fry . Let me worry about the parent stuff ; that ’s not your concern . Focus on being a kid . "
— uranium / imthe1nonlyD
12.“Act like my very existence is burdening them. Both of my parents, though excellent parents for the most part, were guilty of this. I get it, life can be frustrating especially as a single parent (my parents divorced when I was 6), but your kid doesn’t understand any of that. They’re not gonna know why you groaned or muttered ‘goddammit’ when they ask to be fed or say they don’t feel well, and they’re just going to think it’s because of them. I’m 24 now, and to this day, I still have trouble asking anyone for help or expressing my needs, whether it’s a friend or a coworker or my S.O. I’d rather just sit in discomfort or put my own needs aside so as to not ‘bother’ the people I’m with.”
— VerryMay
13.“She never had time for me. Now that I’m older, she wants all of my undivided attention, but when I was little, she could only take me in small doses. She acted like going to my school events was a chore. Driving me places was a chore. Anything that had to do with me was a chore. I want my kids to feel loved all the time. So I will do my best to give them my undivided attention when they need me, to happily show up to all performances and school events, and to always be there for them.”
— uranium / lucidmined
14.“Touching me when I didn’t want to be touched. Forcing hugs and kisses. Tickling me and getting mad when my body reacted and I hurt her. When my kids tell me stop, I will stop. When they say they don’t want any physical touch, then we won’t have physical touch (unless explicitly necessary — running in traffic or something else dangerous). She did the best with what she knew, but she didn’t know much. I’ll just do better when my time comes.”
" My parents were pretty great , but I hat how we were forced to greet our prolonged family line member with a hug and osculate ' Give aunt Huan a hug and kiss . '
How about no since I do n’t sleep with aunt Huan and do n’t think I ’ve even met her before . How about you let me just say hi and not be uncomfortable as fuck ? Our kids only had to say hi to be polite . No impel physical contact . "
— u / half - blood-
15.“Keep them from television almost entirely. Often we had no TV — sometimes we had a TV that was purely for screening BBC programs likeI, Claudiusand films like theThe Seventh Seal(they did have kid’s films for us, just not many). That was way back in the ’80s and ’90s — my parents are both neurologists, and they had concerns about screen time way back then. I understand why. I hate seeing my kid watch screens; he just gapes at the screen like a stunned fish. Honestly, there is not much to be said in favor of screens when it comes to child development; screen time is not correlated with good outcomes. But pretty early on, kids start usepop cultureas a means of bonding.”
" The kids at my kid ’s nursery are all playing at being Spider - Man , and if I keep him away from the Lego Spider - Man video that all the kids in his clique ticker , he might lack out on this bonding chance . FWIW , I think my parent had good intentions . But the destruction outcome was a adolescent who did n’t infer popping acculturation references , and an grownup who observe screens too much to this day ( which is my own fault , I admit ) . "
— u / fairygodmotherfckr
16.“Be passive aggressive. I was in a college communications course when I learned the phrase ‘passive aggressive,’ and a light bulb went off in my head. I finally had a term to describe my family’s dysfunction. I thought we were a perfect family because we didn’t yell. Sometimes I think the yelling might have been preferable because at least it would’ve been honest.”
— u / sheglows76
17.“Fighting in front of us and slamming doors, complaining about the other parent to their kids behind another parent’s back. Then consistently having the gall to literally tell us this is normal behavior in a relationship.”
— u / davidwallace
18.And relatedly… “Stay married ‘for the kids.’ … I never grew up knowing what a healthy normal relationship should be like and am only learning now in my mid-30s.”
— u / LakeaShea
19.“Moved and I had to start high school in a new area where I didn’t know anyone or had a single friend. [I] would never do that to my kid.”
— u / Roddy_Rowdy_Piper
20.“The silent treatment. I hated this method they both used as a form of punishment, so I swore I would never do this to my own kids, and I haven’t. My kids are all grown now, and we might have disagreements, but I will always talk through and communicate with them. The worst part of my parents’ silent treatment is that I would often not even know what offense I had committed. It’s a great way to really sever any attempts for having a close and loving relationship.”
— atomic number 92 / wise_owl68
21.“Complain about how hard or expensive it is to be a parent. That was all I heard and grew up thinking I was a burden to everyone. Yeah, it’s hard and costly, but I made the choice to bring them into the world.”
— u / Alltheprettydresses
" This is remind me of when I was 17 and the crash of ' 08 was unfolding all over the news show . I remember sitting on the top of the cellar step listen to the idiot box that dad was watch and hear about how people were losing their money , their homes , everything . I knew my papa had some money invested at the meter , and that ’s what he was using to keep us move since he did n’t have a problem . I recall ask him if our money was fine , and he said to me , ' Nope ! We ’re break down now . ' I remember feeling myself curl up into a ball and start panicking , thinking about what I could sell of my things to help pay the eyeshade . Thinking , ' Okay , I can forget about Christmas this class . Just ask for only the necessary thing like clothes and toiletries . ' We came out of the crash just all right without having to sell a single thing . I ’m 32 now , and it study me YEARS to get easy enough to open up up my own retreat plan last month . Financial misuse toward a child is fucking vicious , and I will never forgive my Father-God for doing that to me . "
— uranium / silentsaturn91
22.“Telling them I regret being a parent or lamenting when I need to be strict as a parent. Hopefully, this wouldn’t matter as I do not plan to have children whatsoever. While I was loved, these kinds of things are not things you should say to your children ever, even if you believe it in your heart of hearts. Like, of course, I knew what they meant by it, but the surface level interpretation still hurts, even when I know it’s not true.”
— u / unoriginalasshat
23.“That shit where you aren’t allowed to be angry. If I’m gonna make you do some shit you don’t wanna do, then I’m at least gonna let you be pissed.”
— aroaceautistic
" My mama gave allll the lip service to ' it ’s okay to be angry , ' but any actual display of it was immediately exclude down and punished . Somehow , that pull up stakes me a minute emotionally stunted in that area by the time I had grown up . "
— u / PepurrPotts
24.And more generally… “Completely shutting down at the slightest display of any ‘bad’ emotion. … There’s people out there who think that any display of emotion is equal to ‘being out of control.'”
— u / Anskin12
25.“Nitpick. If I got a B, I was asked why wasn’t it an A. When I got an A, I was asked why it wasn’t it 100%. When I got 100%, I was asked why my handwriting was terrible.”
— atomic number 92 / BigTuna0890
26.“Making promises I know I won’t keep.”
— uracil / sneedle_woodz
" My kids recognise , if I say ' I anticipate , ' it is atomic number 26 habilitate . "
— u/12th_MaMa
27.“Ignore how they feel because of how I feel.”
— u / jester51
" My parents did this . They had feelings , and the way I interact with them made them have feelings . But they could n’t comprehend that their actions inform my feelings , too . It was like I was n’t a full person to them .
If I was disappointed or distressed with them for thing they did , or were supposed to do and did n’t , they would get angry with me for making them have to sense guilty conscience or regret . They literally could n’t handle the uncomfortable tactile sensation associated with the idea that they had parented badly and would re - direct those uncomfortable flavor into anger at me for causing it . It was a gaga ride , rent me tell you .
Their feelings trump mine , all day long . I ’ll never do that to my kids . "
— uracil / HeyItsNotMeIPromise
28.“One uppers. ‘I feel…’ ‘Well at least [you don’t have to…]’ It’s crushing.”
" My kids are 21 and 18 . 2020 dissemble their senior and fledgling years , severally . I commence so much shit from sometime people when I would say it made me lamentable they had to go through this , etc . ' KIDS THEIR geezerhood WERE move TO WAR , ' blah blah . Like , yeah , and that really take in for them . I ’m not comparing the circumstances ; I am just acknowledging my kids ' feelings because it sucks ? "
— u / TinyGreenTurtles
29.And along those lines… “Be jealous that they have life easier than I did.”
— u / AngryPlasmaCell
30.“Smoking in a car, smoking in the house nonstop, I won’t take my kids to the bar and continue to smoke… I won’t smoke, I guess is what I’m getting at.”
— u / Gone_cognito
31.“Not as much of a childhood thing, but an adult thing… I will invest in my kids’ adult lives as well. My parents were all around good parents. But once they had an empty nest, they absolutely loaded their lives with other social obligations, and feel like distant extended family now.”
" My wife and I are suffering from a lack of any support system . Our marriage is meet because we get alone time , like , two weekends a twelvemonth . When my kids were babies , the shade for visits was ALWAYS ' get the boys over to see us . But you know , stick around so you may handle them , and take them with you when you get out . '
They ’re fantastic during the couplet times a year I bring the tyke there . Hiking , crafts , they eat up gem in the yard and made hoarded wealth maps … like , really cool stuff to interact with them . But the daytime to twenty-four hour period ' it takes a residential area ' shit does n’t be .
I will not do that to them . I will support their adult relationships by not waiting for them to implore for help . I ’m not going to be intrusive ( I know some grandparents who are way too involved ) . But I will be available . I willinsistthat the kids spend overnights , weekend , summertime weeks , with me . Because I know how worthful break , and vacations , and mental health are .
And not just babysitting . I desire to stay nigh to my boys into maturity . allow ’s view a game , have a drink , descend on over , and I ’ll grill some steak . "
— uranium / toolatealreadyfapped
32.And finally… “Never have them. Five kids, no grandkids. Parents can’t figure out why. We were provided for quite well. Grew up in a very sterile environment and made to feel like we were a job for them. I will not say my Dad was abusive, but he had no concept of how to promote and nurture a kid. It was always what you were doing wrong, never what you were doing well. Result: None of their kids were motivated to have kids of their own.”
— u / Caspers_Shadow
submission have been edited for length / lucidity .
