" I married my married man when I was 22 and he was 44 . His oldest daughter is four days vernal than me . We ’ve been married for 20 years , and my footstep - kids and I are really penny-pinching . The only ' problem ' is he ’ll retire sooner than I can . "
A Reddit user asked the community: “Couples with alarge age difference: How is it different, and what kind of issues do you face?”
Their experiences were so eye-opening, they inspired theBuzzFeed Communityto share their own stories of being in a relationship with a major age gap.
And here’s what they had to say:
take down : Some submissions include topics of emotional abuse , domestic violence , and suicide . Please proceed with caution .
1.“My husband is 14 years younger, we have a beautiful relationship, and just had our first daughter. We met when he was in the military — I said no for a year whenever he asked me out, never giving him a chance. I dated more men my age during that time, and they all ended up being less mature. He’s been through a lot in his life, and in the end showed more maturity than most of the men I dated. I had never given a younger person a chance before, but I’m glad that I did. We wouldn’t have our beautiful daughter if I never gave him one — I’m a 37-year-old woman, and he’s a 23-year-old man, we just bought our first house, and can’t wait to have our next kid.”
— messylight38
2.“Last year when I turned 50, I was approached by a 37-year-old man, and I gave him a chance because he was smart, funny, and very handsome. However, soon it turned out he was also immature, selfish, and self-centered. He refused to use condoms, canceled dates at the last second, and changed plans when I already saved time and organized everything. He eventually ghosted me, saying he is ‘just too busy.’ Never again — he ruined all younger men for me. Also, six months after he ghosted me, he had the audacity to send me a message: ‘Hi, what are you doing?’ to which I didn’t reply.”
— biljanam
3.“My boyfriend of eight years is 56, and I’m 39 — he’s the best man I’ve ever been with. We’re on the same page and are equal partners. Is it probable that I may need to take care of him as we age? Yeah, it’s statistically likely. But life is unpredictable, and you never know what will happen.”
" He lost his late married woman to a uncommon Crab when she was 35 , and he spend years before that lovingly taking care of her and press her wheelchair while she had MS .
If you ’re unprepared / unwilling to manage for your partner , then you should n’t have one ( regardless of the age opening ) . "
— butthatsnoneofmybusiness
4.“My husband is six and a half years younger than me. We met when we were both in our 20s (I was in my late 20s while he was in his early 20s). I was struggling to leave an abusive relationship at the time. Our friendship was our foundation, and I resisted our undeniable, naturally instant chemistry for a long time. A few years after meeting, we started dating, then eventually did all of the ‘life things’ kind of ‘out of order’ (and all at once). He’s a cop and was partnered while we were engaged and pregnant. His immaturity and lack of experience became apparent when days after our wedding, I found out he had been cheating. The logical part of me can fault his age, but my heart is still shattered. If I could go back and not do life with someone younger than me (but can still get my perfect child), I would in a heartbeat. That being said, any individual can have an affair (though I do believe this situation came very much down to maturity).”
— nothxxxxxxx
5.“My husband and I are 10 years apart (we met when I was 24), and we’ve been together for just about five years now. It’s been an absolute blast. He was wild in college (according to the stories I’ve heard, LOL), partying, etc. — but now he’s settled down. I was never a partier, and we clicked instantly when we met over a tabletop game. This month marks three years of marriage, and the only thing he teases me about is, ‘How have you never seen [insert movie here]?’ My answer is always, ‘Because I was in elementary school when it came out, and that movie is rated PG-13/R.”
— ladypalutena
6.“In my youth I typically dated someone around my age — but when I was 23, I dated an older woman. My inside voice was probably going, ‘32! Nine years apart! Oh my goodness, she’s so much older than me! 32…’ And then before I know it, I’m suddenly in my late 50s (and the idea of dating a 32-year-old now feels like ‘robbing the cradle,’ like I should be thrown in jail).”
— gmancan
7.“I’m 38, and my husband is 54. His children are all in the military, and blame him for his ex-wife’s suicide. It’s difficult at times because he doesn’t let me learn on my own since he already knows things and was a very successful lawyer. We get along for the most part — he loves me and helped me during a really bad point in my life when I was severely depressed. I also helped him when he was in a bad car accident while on the phone with me. We both almost died, but helped each other through those times.”
" My female parent believes in preceding lives and thinks we somehow had a retiring spirit together . I make out I ’ll be with him forever , and I completely trust him , which is something I ’ve never had .
You ca n’t chose who you fall in love with — relationships are work , but the good far outweighs the bad . It ’s been 16 year now , and I have n’t need anyone else beside me but him . ❤ ️ "
— megro108
8.“My ex-husband was six years older than me (not that big of a difference, but he was emotionally delayed). Still played video games, and when he lost his job, we had to move back in with his mom. He ended up meeting some girl on Facebook, flew to meet her (he told me he had a job opportunity out of state), and got her pregnant. He then told me we were over. She eventually found out about me somehow and told him to get lost. He had sold everything he owned to be with her. Last I heard, he’s working a minimum-wage job and living with his mom again.”
— carebear27203
9.“I married my husband when I was 22 and he was 44. His oldest daughter is four years younger than me. He also has a daughter who’s five years younger than her sister, and a son who’s five years younger than that. We’ve been married nearly 20 years, and my step-kids and I are really close. I can’t have kids, so that’s not an issue. Honestly, the only ‘problem’ is that he will retire a lot sooner than I can, but I work remotely and can also work from the car, so we still get to travel.”
— kimharmon04kh
10.“My partner is seven years older than me, and I don’t consider it a big relationship age gap. He didn’t have an excellent upbringing and is still learning how to do adult things. No one taught him how to manage money or handle paperwork in any capacity (he’s never even created a résumé). Yeah, he is super intoNinja Turtlesand other cartoons and stuff from the ’80s, but other than that, there isn’t any inequality from the age difference.”
— hannahlou11
11.“I think like with all dating, it completely depends on the individuals. I (34F) dated a guy (53M) who was basically obsessed with age and weight — I think a lot of the appeal for him was feeling younger by extension. He was shallow and self-absorbed (which had to do with him as an individual and not his age). He thought he’d provide for me in a way that would make me unable to leave him, and I know because he literally said those words to me. He thought I was uncomfortable being around him in public because of the age gap, and when I realized that it was because he’s literally not a good person, that’s when I knew it was time to break up.”
— sfsfsfsfsfsfsfsfsfsfsfsfsf
12.“I’m 38, and my husband is 64, and we’ve been married for 17 years now. We do disagree on things from time to time like some people do, but we have a great relationship and three awesome kids. He’s very loving, and would do anything for our family.”
— mindy14
13.“I dated a man 13 years younger than me, and it did not go well because we were never on the same page as far as music, recreational activities, and finances. I now prefer to date men at least my age up to 10 years older. It really makes a difference to me as far as being in a similar stage in life, like planning what we would both want to do in retirement.”
— lilgem48
14.“I seem to end up with younger men (I’m 49 dating a 37-year-old). Sadly, he has a lot of pretty severe health issues, aches, and pains (you’d think it would be the opposite). I appreciate that he’s a helper, and he does so much for me. We have very similar values — he’s had a ton of drama in the past, and I can see where some of it comes from. Plans get made, he shows up. Sometimes I feel like a mom, but at times, he can be fatherly. I don’t know if it will last, but I think we both bring each other peace.”
" Men my old age seem to ' challenge me ' or ' dig at me ' or are really pushy and dictatorial . I ca n’t stand being talked down to — my young boyfriend does often ' take mastery ' of proceeds , but he has a dulcet style of educating / explain . Like he help versus ' gotcha , I ’m saucy ! '
I do think at heart , I ’m almost a mom or sister figure to him . He had a rough puerility — if we split up , he will probably be the last humankind I date . "
— mag1973
15.And finally: “I met my partner when I was 32 and he was 26 (I had mostly dated older men until him). Six years doesn’t seem like a big difference, but it definitely is depending on where you both are in your life. I grew up most of my young life without so many of the technological advances that he took for granted (it’s amazing how different growing up in the ’80s/’90s was compared to the ’90s/’00s). It was honestly really hard in the beginning of our relationship because he was still going through so much of what we all do in our 20s, trying to figure out who we are and where we want to go.”
" But we worked through it all together . I believe our relationship became awing and easy and strong because we went through a lot of that emergence together . He introduced me to so many things and kept me opened and motivated in elbow room I do n’t think an old man would have . I believed in him in ways that no one his age had done for him , and keep him ground .
He always made me finger beautiful and do it , and the sexual attraction was always so warm . I was excited to spend the relief of my life with him , only contract light when he passed a month ago ( two months short of our eleventh anniversary ) . I miss him so much . "
— kathmander
mark : Some submission have been edited for length and/or uncloudedness .
