" Getting older is watching more and more of the the great unwashed in your lifespan do half - battle of Marathon "

1.

Sorry but if I saw someone stealing from Tesco I ’m mind my own business ! Is it my fathers company ?

2.

ppl that have n’t know in the area do n’t infer that u will have actual beefs w specific animals . we had a fox that was pit deer and ate my sister ’s rabbit n the night we caught him was like we get Bin Laden

3.

How is this not a Fake Showbiz News tweet ? I am completely and dead obsessed with two roasts Nicolepic.twitter.com/UrSEnqgGGU

4.

Me as a child in the playground : https://t.co / zdEa3gw0LZ

5.

I ’m convinced Royal Mail ’s musical theme of a delivery attempt is take a abstruse breath out of doors of the doorway before running off with your package .

6.

SE London two bed available for 45 - 50 moment while I go to big Tesco . £ 120 xhttps://t.co/LvkOgVGFNc

7.

A passel of people my age have opted out of they workplace pensionsThey’re gon na have to legitimize mercy killing by time we kip down because mate

8.

Who has hack Susan Boyle ’s Spotify may I ask?pic.twitter.com / mTkMdveuGk

9.

Getting elder is watch more and more of the the great unwashed in your life do half - Marathon

10.

heard your boyfriend does n’t use a teaspoonful to peel the powdered ginger . he ’s just going at it with a knife . depend how firmly he ’s concentrating . he ’s lose one-half of it already . that ’s good powdered ginger going in the bin there . pathetic .

11.

He see like every type in Only Fools And Horseshttps://t.co/Uiwvi6QwNA

12.

You ’ve set about 4 G Superfast broadband to google it Kev xhttps://t.co/ZeVG4Vypkx

13.

Sorry but this make me want to corrode a live henpic.twitter.com/RRsUkPBr2N

14.

HS2 . Really ca n’t think this . I wanna run to upic.twitter.com/5jRhD3vHH7

15.

No one in the history of ground has ever spelt Charlotte like thispic.twitter.com/NTAt2xyEap

16.

Lol my actual worst incubus , do you cogitate this is what God does to you when you diehttps://t.co/bBlFN9Z9OS

17.

Not to be all insane moments in British political sympathies , but here ’s Suella Braverman standing on a dogpic.twitter.com/fuilOOihFO

18.

Camppic.twitter.com/gnY6Wfs66 t

19.

someone has snuck a smokestack of these beer mats into Tory conference and is handing them out to delegates#HS2pic.twitter.com / cp3XKtCSsT

20.

Just catch my Dad say to the cat-o'-nine-tails “ you ’re looking very overbold ”

21.

I think we can tally he secure all charwoman are drypic.twitter.com/Y87bIqbalr

22.

I made a spelling fault at oeuvre today . But I apologised in the precise same place I made the misunderstanding , so everyone forgave me . The end.pic.twitter.com/XEmnU15BTe

23.

My daughter - explain what she read about the Russian revolution today genuinely just refer to Rasputin as " the slutty little wizard human race " .

24.

The over 30 ’s category on X-Factorpic.twitter.com/voVLq5T2S5

25.

Me , greeting you at the door and ask if you ’ve brought me back a wee surprisal from the shoppic.twitter.com/fPTZfUm1AY

26.

Are you a military man or a womanhood ? Sorry , only 63 year olds are tolerate to smoke . Yeah , just another nine hours til we ’re in Manchester.pic.twitter.com/acpX6wKKu7

27.

imagine being 79 beg your 80 year one-time mate to go in the shops for you for 20 B&Hhttps://t.co / NA1jnhmIVr

28.

odd how sex is immovable but you may transition into being a fucking terrible prize minister without anyone ever voting for you

29.

Priti calling Suella an attending seeker loll the lady friend r fighting ! Watford v Harrowhttps://t.co/wqwGSaWI1c

30.

When you ’re writing the BBC News liveblog and someone interrupts to take your breakfast orderpic.twitter.com/n2X91lvOWL

Thumbnail credit entry : CBS / BBC / ITV