" Heard a woman in Target ask her kid ‘ is that a smart choice to make with your money ? ’ and now I wish she would fall out me around the store , too . " — @oneawkwardmom
Welcome to parenting, where even success feels like failure — but it’s still worth celebrating because you survived another week! Pat yourselves on the back.
I break down out last night and my husband put the 3yo and the child to bed by himself , which neither of us has done alone yet . I got home and everyone was asleep and he was so calm , and I was like " Wow I ’m so glad it well went ! " and he was like " oh no , it drop dead terribly . " 😂
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1.
Sex ed for adolescent should let in loading Kid , stroller , and groceries / sports equipment into the railway car while it ’s pouring rain .
2.
Took my 6 y / o girl to a college football biz and my aspiration of turn her into a devotee quickly languish when she asked to go home in the first one-fourth because “ we just watched this biz on TV last week . ”
3.
Why this little girl just recognise me in this fund with her fine rear end daddy ? ? So embarrassing this female child saying “ yeah she make tiktoks ” . NO LITTLE GIRL IM A merchandising DATA psychoanalyst .
4.
Our 3yo made us sit down and watch her performance , meaning she twirl around the life room for 5 minute sing “ Kitties eat edible corn ” and at the end she pointed at us and order “ What do kitties corrode ? ” and we said “ Corn ! ” Giving this one a 10/10 for the hearing engagement alone .
5.
i looked out the windowpane to savour the beautiful view of our mountains . i then looked over to the left toward the end of our drive and i see my 10 yo and 8 yo . they were twerking whenever cars come by.we have to move now .
6.
The eight twelvemonth old : Why does n’t anyone else seem to point out how embarrassing everything is?Me : Oh some of us notice rely me
7.
I ’m giving dirty expression to this dad at the coffeehouse whose kid is being obnoxious but he ’s not doing anything about it so I guess I ’m going to have to deal with it because he ’s my kid too or whatever
8.
On my Logos ’s natal day each twelvemonth , I care to think back to 2017 when Carvel wrote “ Happy 2th Birthday ” on his cake
9.
I ’m directing a psychological thriller called my twins are running against each other for student council .
10.
there are SO many hard matter about parenting , but the bad ? the absolute bad ? ? ? ? ? ? create dinner , pass on down
11.
I got a new pair of wide peg jeans , my first pair since probably my teenager years . My 12yo give me a hug and said “ awwww ” like it was endearing that I was trying to be trendy 😂 😂
12.
leave the car park with my shaver , we discovered a cluster of guys sit and smoking on the bonnet of our car , and I ’m proud to report I was Stern * and Confrontational * * about it*said " fellow ! " quietly**pushed the lock clit on my primal fob to beep the horn and slightly startle them
13.
Parenting is weird because you bump yourself say things like : that was a cute story but you know if you ever satisfy a real bear with a toothache you should n’t seek to avail it , ripe ?
14.
obviously my kid speaks to his math prep the same direction he speaks to me.pic.twitter.com/I6rxDKxyJF
15.
“ Ohhh . Because it ’s our dog ’s natal day . ”-my 5 yo son after comment I was wearing a blouse rather than a t - shirt today
16.
Someone asked me if I wanted to be the Girl Scout scout group drawing card and I express mirth so firmly I farted .
17.
married woman : You sure you got all 4 kids while I channelize out tonight?Me : Yup , easy peasy . Narrator : But things were NOT lemon squeezy
18.
take heed a woman in Target ask her youngster ‘ is that a smart choice to make with your money ? ’ and now I bid she would stick with me around the storage , too .
19.
Me : Hey , am I too wrinkly?Child : You ’re sometime , that ’s going to chance . Me : I MEANT MY SHIRT .
20.
Why would I pay for an escape elbow room when I can be ensnare in a schooling cartridge demarcation in the simmering heating with a bunch of ennoble parents who consider they can cut in line and a Thomas Kyd in the backseat scream and kicking my seat for free
21.
My 3yo ( who is extremely clean for a yearling ) keep shout at mealtime because “ I do n’t wish watching the baby eat , she ’s so messy ” and honestly , same
22.
If mum were awarded stickers.pic.twitter.com/pDGVBQJ7gN
23.
Why am I the only dad here for parent - teacher conferences ? Am I the only dad who can take time off study ? The only dad to view this as a parenting duty , not a mommy duty ? The only dad who often marks the incorrect date on his calendar ? The conferences are tomorrow , are n’t they ? Dammit
24.
- My child were roleplaying my wife and I*8yo * Being me * : Is this tweet funny ? Can I post it?5yo * Being my wife * : Can you please leave me alone for 5 minutes to drink my coffee tree ? !
25.
I ’ve been texting with “ Isla ’s mammy ” for 3 yr . When is a good fourth dimension to ask her her name ?
26.
Please excuse the state of my house , it will be blank if you’re able to come back in 2053 when all my kids have move out
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