" The charwoman in my family praise my husband and differentiate me always how lucky I am , " one commenter save . " I never get compliments . I ’m just expected to do it all . "
This isLucie Fink, a 31-year-old video producer and mom of one who recently went viral for pointing out double standards in how society views dads taking care of their children compared with how it views moms completing those same tasks.
Inspired by artistMary Catherine Starr’s viral comic on the"double standards of parenting,“Lucie reenacts several relatable, everyday situations that involved parents find themselves in. However, to the considerable interest of hervideo’s4.1 million viewers, Lucie is careful to highlight how moms and dads are perceived differently in each case.
Why am I cry … 🥺 To be clean-cut : this is n’t a comment on my married person , this is a bivalent standard I see around the earthly concern . Words & concept animate by momlife_comics ( Mary Catherine Starr ) and her viral comic#doublestandards#parenting#momtok#momlife#momsanddads#momsoftiktok#societystandards#societalstandards#society#parents#newparents#momlifecomics#momlife
For example, Lucie starts off with a shot of a mom taking her baby on a walk while simultaneously checking her phone. Those passing by may cast judgment and think the mom is being inattentive.
However, if you were to put a dad in the same situation — taking his baby for a walk alone — it’s seen as adorable bonding despite the phone.
Then Lucie poses a situation where Mom doesn’t have time to cook and brings fast food home instead. Here, she might be labeled as lazy…
…whereas Dad might be seen as cool or fun for bringing home the kiddos' favorites.
Likewise, a mom pushing her child in a swing at the park is expected…
…but when a dad does it, he’s seen as “such a good dad.”
This extends to learning routines. Moms who read to their children are taking part in everyday parenting.
But when a dad reads to his child while Mom’s away, it’s ideal “babysitting.” (Even though you can’t babysit your own child. You’re just being a parent.)
And finally, for parents who both work and raise children, moms are seen as “working moms” who try to balance it all…
…while dads are just, well, dads, because they’re expected to work.
The video resonated with many moms who could relate to being viewed differently from their male partners by friends, family, and onlookers. “The women in my family praise my husband and tell me constantly how lucky I am,” one commenter wrote. “I never get compliments. I’m just expected to do it all.”
These double standards are so prevalent that one mom admitted to unconsciously upholding them. “The way I feel guilty for my husband putting in so much effort parenting but in reality he’s just matching my effort b/c we equally share the load.”
It’s unfortunately quite common. “My mom would say my husband was so nice to ‘babysit’ our daughter. I had to correct her,” someone else chimed in. “So wrong.”
Though the video was originally inspired by art, Lucie told BuzzFeed that she’s been in some of these exact scenarios herself. “For starters,” she said, “as a mom who works full time, the world sees me as a ‘working mom.’ However, my husband works full time as well, and I’ve never heard him referred to as a ‘working dad.’ He is just a ‘dad.'”
She added, “Ever since becoming a mom, I’ve built a large community of other moms across my social media platforms, and they’ve shared their own experiences with me about how these double standards have impacted their lives. People have told me they’ve heard their husbands complimented and praised for doing some of the most basic things they do daily.”
Lucie continued , " For example … if a dad is seen changing a child ’s diaper in public , they are called ' first-rate dad ' ! I just opine the universal sentiment is that , these years , it takes very little for someone to be considered a ' spoiled mama ' and also very little for someone to be considered a ' good daddy . ' "
If moms and dads are to be viewed in the same light, Lucie says that starts on a federal level — ensuring both parents get equal parenting leave, thereby sending a signal that their contributions to child-rearing are equally important.
“I believe both parents should have the opportunity (and the responsibility) of taking paid time off when they have a child,” she said.
" My married man and I ferment very hard before having a baby to ' split ' the mental and forcible weight of parenting . This does n’t mean that everything needs to be exactly 50 - 50 , but from the startle , it was important to both of us that we were adequate health care provider to our Logos , " she continued . " I did n’t want to be in a situation where I did n’t palpate like I could leave home and go away for a hebdomad because my married man did n’t know how to wish for our child without me . His job gave him three calendar month of paternity leave , and he was able to plunge in equally with me from the get - go . He has stay incredibly hands - on and does just as much as I do when it comes to raising our boy . The TV is mainly point out how social club views this … they see what I ’m doing as ' my job ' and what he ’s doing as more of a option . "
And to start off the next generation with the right mindset and ideals when it comes to roles and parenting, Lucie suggests, “On a per-family basis, parents can work together in those early days to set expectations and make sure they are both carrying adequate weight. Particularly in households like mine, where both my husband and I work full time, there is no reason why I (as the mother) should be taking on more responsibilities or be considered the default parent.”
If you ’d like to keep up with Lucie , you could follow her onTikTokandInstagram .
