" One does n’t require to be fully aware of Mexican acculturation to know that destroying an expensive party dress is an horrible , insufferable way to bear . She ’s 16 , not 6 . "
If you grew up with siblings, you know very well that jealousy between each other can run deeep. Whether it’s over sports, academics, attention from your parents, or simply just an article of clothing, sibling rivalries can take many forms.
But sometimes, there comes a point where one sibling takes their jealousy a little too far — and that was pretty apparent in this recentReddit postI came across.
Redditoru/Otherwise-Cycle-2441is a mom of her daughter, Bethany, 16, and her stepdaughter, Maria, 14. While the two girls have gotten on well since their youth, their relationship has fractured because Bethany, who is white, is jealous that her stepsister Maria, who is of Mexican descent, gets to have a quinceañera.
Since Maria’s quinceañera is coming up, Maria’s father and biological mother recently took her to get her her dress for the party, which came out to about $3,000 with alterations.
“My daughter, [Bethany], has been very jealous of the whole party. I’ve informed her it is part of the culture just like when she had a huge sweet sixteen party with her friends,“u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441shared. “I spent more time with her to try to make her feel better about it and got her own (much cheaper) dress for the party.”
Despiteu/Otherwise-Cycle-2441’s efforts to teach Bethany about Maria’s culture and make the party easier on her daughter, Bethany’s jealousy took a turn for the worse. After a a trivial fight with Maria over the TV, in a fit of anger, Bethany scribbled a Sharpie pen all over Maria’s expensive party dress and ripped the back of it.
“The story short is everyone was pissed. I gave money to my husband and his ex to try to get a new dress ASAP. I informed my daughter she will need to get a job and pay back the full price of the dress as punishment,“u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441said.
Whileu/Otherwise-Cycle-2441tried teaching Bethany a lesson, Bethany and her got into a huge argument. Bethany said the whole situation wasn’t fair and told her mom that she was choosing Maria over her. She also called her mom a huge jerk. In turn,u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441asked Redditors to confirm if she was really a jerk about how she handled the situation and the punishment.
The majority of people commented that they did not thinku/Otherwise-Cycle-2441was being a jerk — nor did they think her punishment was too harsh. “Quinceañera dresses aren’t cheap and your daughter is old enough to know better,“u/RaineMistsaid.
“Bethany deliberately ruined a dress. She has to pay for it. If she had done this to a total stranger, would she claim you’re choosing the stranger? If Maria had ruined one of her dresses, would she just let it go? Bethany’s very close to becoming an adult. It’s time she realizes that comes with responsibilities,“u/FuzzyMom2005added.
Whileone commentersuggested that Bethany is probably aware of the mess she caused, another pointed out that might not necessarily be true at her age.u/Kitty-Kitty_Mewsaid, “Adolescents don’t understand abstract concepts like long-term consequences or the chain of reactions stemming from her actions. She just thinks that this will blow over and she’ll be forgiven. Because she isn’t a part of Mexican culture, she will not understand the SEVERITY of her actions until later on in life. This will make her cringe later on in life.”
In response to the above, another person chimed in andsaid, “One doesn’t need to be fully aware of Mexican culture to know that destroying an expensive party dress is an ugly, unacceptable way to behave. She’s 16, not six. You’re right, when she becomes fully aware of the value of a dollar and has had to work for it herself and suffers a loss of something of her own that is culturally significant, the cringe-factor will increase exponentially and it was enormous to begin with.”
And because OP clarified that Bethany got a super expensive sweet sixteen birthday party, commenters pointed out that Bethany’s argument that the party was “unfair” isn’t warranted. “I don’t know how Bethany gets off saying it’s not fair. Seems completely fair to me. Both girls got parties. Lots of money spent on both. Was she jealous about the attention?“u/CristinaKellersaid.
Others pointed out that no matter the case, Maria won’t forget her stepsister’s actions. “[Maria] will never forget this. I remember so much of what happened to me at that age, especially when I was treated badly by horrible people,“u/lenajlchsaid.
And many people mentioned that Bethany needs to understand that her actions could have resulted in criminal charges, such as destruction of property.u/Vandreesonsaid, “You’re not choosing anybody. Your daughter ruined a dress on purpose. She should pay for it. She ruined it…If she would have done this to a stranger, I can almost guarantee police would be involved, and a lawsuit.”
u/Sha-Naneginssaid that Bethany is lucky to have a parent that is willing to work out a repayment plan, because the real world isn’t so forgiving. “This isn’t taking sides, it’s good parenting. And it wouldn’t be a bad idea to impress upon Bethany that if this were the property of someone other than a family member, the police or court system would probably be involved. She’s fortunate that her parent is willing to work out a repayment plan with her instead,” theysaid.
u/Serious-Day5968said that if Bethany was their daughter, they wouldn’t even allow her at the party. “She’s 16, not 5 years old. In two years she will be 18. If Maria was my daughter, Bethany wouldn’t be allowed at the party. She can stay home grounded. She destroyed the dress. What’s next? The cake? Or decorations? What she did was uncalled for. I would no longer trust her with any of the party things. Does Bethany at least seem remorseful? If not, she can stay home.”
u/KMK_Directsaid that their punishment would be even harsher if Bethany was their daughter. “If this was my child, the main punishment would not be paying back the dress, that is just pure restitution, not punishment. She would not be getting driving privileges until she is 17.”
u/Specific_Culture_591added that making Bethany pay for the dress “is the least she can do,” and also suggested Bethany be in therapy. They said, “I think doing that and getting her into therapy, and maybe doing some kind of community service, would do her some good.”
Another useragreed thatu/Otherwise-Cycle-2441should consider professional help for Bethany. Theysaid, “I just want to echo what some others are saying and that you should consider counseling or therapy for your daughter. Sixteen is pretty old to be having such an intense and impulsive reaction. There could be something else going on.”
Overall, it was evident that no one thought the mom,u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441, was a jerk for how she handled the situation with her daughter.
