" The tradition of start a founder ’s benediction is because char were considered belongings of their fathers until they got married , and then they became their husbands ' property . This is a sexist and superannuated tradition . "
In recent years, many old-school wedding traditions have been criticized as sexist. Customs surrounding the father of the bride, such as walking his daughter down the aisle and handing her to her new husband, have especially come under fire.
Well, I recently stumbled acrossthis postin the “Am I the Asshole” subreddit where a man asked his girlfriend’s father for his blessing, and it blew up in the guy’s face. Here’s the full story:
BTW , if you ’ve never find out of it , universal gas constant / AmItheAssholeis a blank space where hoi polloi can ask folks on the internet to weigh in on if they ’re being an asshole or not in sure state of affairs .
“Okay, first of all, sorry for any mistakes — English is a second language, and I’m still processing what just happened. So, I’ve (26M) been dating my girlfriend (22F) for a bit more than a year. She’s the perfect girl for me: She’s hot, caring, and smart, and we both love each other very much. I’ve been thinking about proposing for a while; my girlfriend is almost done with school, and I have a good job with a lot of savings.”
“Since we’re visiting her hometown for the week, I thought this would be a good moment to ask her father for his blessing. I’ve only met with her family a couple of times, since they live in another city, but they never seemed to have a problem with me. Her father is pretty easygoing, so while we don’t have much in common, I wasn’t really scared of his reaction, only a bit nervous.”
“This afternoon, while my GF was out with old friends, I sat down with him and asked him if I could have his blessing to marry his daughter. He looked really awkward and confused, and he asked me a couple of times if I was being serious. I explained that I was, that I loved his daughter very much and would make sure she never needs anything. He said something along the lines of: ‘Woah, I don’t know what to say. I was not expecting that.’ We were silent for a bit, and he left the room. I was disappointed to say the least, but still had hopes to convince him.”
“My girlfriend came back soon after and received a phone call from her mother, who told her I asked GF’s dad for his blessing. My girlfriend was really angry at me for asking her dad instead of her, and said that doing so is sexist (which is stupid because the point was to ask her dad to propose, not to marry her by force). She said she was absolutely not ready for marriage, wasn’t even considering it because she thought it was way too early in our relationship (after more than a year?). She said she felt humiliated in front of her parents, and now, she’s left to sleep at her mother’s tonight, leaving me alone with her father, who’s been avoiding me since our conversation.”
“I don’t understand what happened. I’m really hurt by her reaction and the way she viewed the possibility of marrying me as completely absurd. I’m really angry and confused at her parents for telling her about my plans instead of letting me propose how I intended,” he concluded.
As you might imagine, there were tons of responses for this one!
In case you ’re not conversant , people commonly respond with one of four options : YTA ( you ’re the A - jam ) , NTA ( not the A - hole ) , ESH ( everyone sucks here ) , or NAH ( no A - maw here ) .
Most people thought this guy was the A-hole and that asking for his GF’s dad’s blessing was sexist:
" The tradition of getting a father ’s grace is because cleaning lady were considered property of their fathers until they got tie , and then they became their husbands ' property . So , the succeeding married man had to get his possible married woman ’s owner ’s permission first . This is a sexist and outdated tradition . If you did n’t know your lady friend would be offended by this or where she stand on spousal relationship , you do n’t know her well enough to propose yet . YTA . "
— uracil / WonderTushTheWise
" Asking the father if you may project is former - fashioned , and many cleaning woman ( myself included ) view it as sexist . It inculpate that she ca n’t make the whole decisiveness herself and needs daddy ’s permission to get married . If my husband had asked my dad , my daddy would ’ve laughed ( because I was a full-grown cleaning lady who be intimate her own mind , and he had no place giving or denying permission ) , and I would have been pissed . YTA for asking her father . "
— uracil / KaliTheBlaze
" Well , yeah , YTA . It ’s unquestionably sexist to let in her father in this determination when you ’re not tie him . It sends a substance that she is n’t provide to be in control condition of her own family relationship unless the men in her life have discussed the matter first . "
— u/__Dumbledork _ _
And many disapproved of the way OP spoke about his GF’s reaction:
" YTA for all the understanding already state . But also , even in this place , you call your girlfriend ’s concerns over sexism ' unintelligent . ' That ’s how you sing about the woman you want to marry ? ! "
— u / UnhingedLawyer
" You ’re calling her opinion ' stupid , ' and you question why she is n’t jump at married couple ? Who die and made you the evaluator of opinions ? "
— u / lathe_of_heaven
But others thought OP was not the A-hole:
" NTA if this is a affair that masses do in your acculturation . Though it may have been better to see if she would accept the marriage proposal first . As a side note , people change a spate in their 20s . surely , they may fundamentally hold many of the same value , but other office of them may change a lot . Especially priorities in day - to - day life . you may either arise with those change , or you could end up in a situation where you raise apart . Unless you ’re very religious or plan on experience fry right off , marriage ceremony can wait a while . "
— u / thathairinyourmouth
" NTA . I expect my daughters ' BFs or GFs to blab out to me before propose ( as a single mama ) . Especially if they are still untried as I am their main germ of emotional support and steering , and marriage is a lifelong commitment .
It may have been ill - timed , as it seems you have n’t really find out the spot with her yet , and she ’s only 22 . You are being called out here because you bear her dad to have an result when he ca n’t answer without knowing what SHE’D want him to say . It ’s not something she ’d ever talked to him about because you did n’t talk to her about marriage . For future proposition , determine out forward of time if the lady friend would want you to ask her dad . "
— atomic number 92 / Unabashed_Binger
And some insisted that asking for the father’s blessing doesn’t make you a misogynist:
" As someone who disagree with the whole ' ask dad for permission ' affair because it is a weird , patriarchal hangover , saying that someone who does that is a misogynist is silly . It ’s a well - greet tradition that many people still do today , and just having the conversation does n’t make you a virulent woman - hater . I think it would be better if you have the conversation with both parent to be honest ( why exclude mum ? ) , but it ’s still kind of ' normal ' for a likely groom to ask the dad , and who know ? Some pa might expect that . "
— u / JamerBr0
" The only thing OP did wrongfulness was to expect the parents before even hash out it with his GF . The fact that OP did n’t live his GF ’s feelings on the matter proves that he really needs to meliorate his communicating acquisition . But that ’s his only error . He INTENDED to do the proper thing ; he just did n’t eff what the right matter was . He was n’t trying to ' claim possession ' like some others are insinuating . Fifteen year ago , asking the dad would have been await . "
— u / InToddYouTrust
" NTA . Asking for the Fatherhood ’s blessing , A BLESSING , to see if they even approve is not misogynistic . This is a cultural thing that many , many military personnel do . The parents are assholes for telling the daughter , and the girl is an asshole for dissemble like what he did was incorrect . "
— u / distinctive - Will-6163
take down : Some answer have been edited for length and/or clarity .
