" I told her no again , and that she can hold out some of her jewellery . She hung up . She clearly think I am a jerk and my Word are now on me to give up the dress . "
The tradition of a bride wearing their mother’s wedding dress at their own ceremony is commonly done in many cultures to “honor amother’s love and sacrifice.”
But according toBrides, an in-depth resource for brides-to-be, this sweet tradition can create problems due to the sustainability of vintage material and the need for dress resizing.
And that is exactly the case when it comes to this story, told by a man,u/Potential-Junket-193, who sought advice from strangers in theAm I The Assholesubreddit about his decision not to allow his daughter to wear her late mother’s wedding dress at her own wedding because doing so would require cutting the dress to resize.
Here’s thestoryin u/Potential-Junket-193’s own words:
“My late wife was a very small person. When we got married, she was only 115 pounds. So, her wedding dress size reflects that. She passed away two years ago, so she will not attend our daughter’s wedding that will be in 2025. Now, my daughter wants to wear the dress and I told her it wouldn’t be a good idea since she won’t be able to squeeze into it.”
“She told me she can just up the size of it and I told her I would think about it. I looked into it and they basically cut the dress up to size it up. I informed her that she can’t wear the dress since they would be cutting it up. This resulted in a huge argument about me gatekeeping my wife’s things. I told her no again, and that she can wear some of her jewelry. She hung up. She clearly thinks I am a jerk and my sons are now on me to give up the dress. Am I the asshole?”
After reading through the post, several users felt that the father was not the asshole for wanting to preserve his wife’s memory by not altering the dress.
" Not the arsehole . It would ask basically a redesign and I see why you may not be comfortable with that . Honestly , since you have another daughter , I intend it ’s pretty unfair that the previous just wear she should get it and be give up to make such great changes to it . This is a dress she wear to get married to you . These are your memories and you have every right to say you ’re not ready to let it go yet . Grief is brutal and we all cope otherwise . I think the jewelry was a enceinte choice . “—ShayDragon
Another user,u/darkswanjewelry, agreed and argued that the father is the primary person for whom the dress has the most sentimental value, since it was worn on his wedding day.
Emphasizing that point, another user wrote:
" A year ago , I probably would have say you were an asshole . Your wife does n’t need the garb and wo n’t be able-bodied to go shopping , so why not ? But in the last year , I lost my mom after take care of her in my plate for nine yr . My full stop is that I now realize that masses grieve other than and we can not dictate to someone else what they should or should not do . You are not ready to give up your late wife ’s dress to be cut up and remade . It ’s that simple — you ’re not quick . last of discussion . Not the asshole . “—JustUgh2323
However, users likeu/yuiopouucompletely disagreed and felt that the dress represents the daughter’s late mother being with her on her wedding day and that should be prioritized.
" As a momma , I ca n’t imagine prioritizing an inviolate dress on my deathbed over the likely joy my daughter would get from wearing it . I ’m in reality plan my marriage ceremony and I love the garb I ’m go to get . If I am still alive when my girl get tie , I ’d prefer for it not to be altered beyond recognition , but if she want to wear it and needed it altered to fit her , I ’d be honor . If I ’m not alive , the intellection of not being present on an important day is grievous to me and if she can alter the apparel to make it primed , I would desire that . I’m sorry but you ’re the mother fucker here , as I do n’t think you ’re really considering the fact that your girl does n’t have a mother to shop with or be at her marriage ceremony . The dress typify that for her . “—yuiopouu
And finally, a user suggested a compromise for both the father and daughter:
