" I imagine his wife must have been such a witch to leave him , because he was ' so cool ' ! She definitely saw something in him that I could n’t at the fourth dimension . "
While relationship age gaps often attract scrutiny, the lived experiences of girls between 11 and 18 years old are drastically different from those of men in their 20s to 50s. In order to disrupt the normalization of older men “dating” teenage girls, BuzzFeed haspreviously platformedstories submitted by women about relationships they had as teens with older men that they now realize were predatory. They also opened up about the impact of these experiences, including the trauma and shame they continued to feel after the relationships ended.
In response, hundreds of women have expressed surprise at how many others have had similar experiences, felt validation from seeing themselves in these girls, and opened up about their own pasts in hopes of continuing to raise awareness for young girls and to dispel any lingering shame that women may still feel today.
Warning : These stories include citation of sexual assault and abuse .
1.“When I was 14 (and just out of middle school), my new, 18-year-old neighbor (who had just graduated from high school) started flirting with me. I was very immature — again, I was 14 — and flattered. That began a nearly seven-year relationship. At the time, I never once believed he was doing anything wrong. If anyone commented negatively about his interest in a teenage girl as an adult man, I defended him. Now I’m horrified when I think about how much he groomed me and molded me into who he wanted sexually and in all other aspects of our relationship.”
2.“When I was 11, I met a 16-year-old guy in a park — he was there with his friends — and started dating him. I looked much older and had a woman’s body, but I was a child. The supremely messed-up thing was that my parents knew about it and were fine with it. He was kind and only ever kissed me — but an 11-year-old? It just continued from there. When I was 13, my boyfriend was 17. When I was 18, my boyfriend was 27. To this day, I still think fondly of one 18-year-old who said ‘absolutely not’ as soon as he found out I was 14. I had a major crush on him, and he was the first guy to actually care that I was a child.”
" He instead offer up to infix me to his 15 - twelvemonth - quondam brother . add together those experience to the sexual harassment I face by older hands at jobs I had as a teenager , and it ’s amazing that I ’m not still mess up up today . I ended up marry someone my old age , and 20 years later , I ’m seek to raise my daughter to have a go at it her worth . "
— baroquemama0226
3.“In 1992, when I was 16, I had a huge crush on a guy with a motorcycle. He was 26 andknewI was only 16. It started out with him taking me for rides and then turned into a secret sexual relationship. I even took care of him when he crashed his bike — bathing and feeding him, changing his bandages, etc. I thought I was so cool, edgy, and rebellious dating a man 10 years older; he needed to be in jail.”
— jamieg4d05cfceb
4.“When I was 18, I went to a family friend’s wedding, where they pushed me to talk to their ‘twentysomething’ cousin. He was 31. He got my number and immediately texted me the next day to hang out. He arrived at my college dorm in an Uber and took me to dinner an hour away at his hotel. He told me he was flying home that night and wanted to be close to the airport. After, he invited me to his hotel room. Being young, naive, and nervous, I agreed. He pressured me to have sex and then ordered an Uber to take me back to my dorm. We kept in contact through text and FaceTime, and he began to love-bomb me, telling me to drop out of college and marry him. He was in the military, so I would ‘never need to work.'”
5.“I was 14, living in a very violent household. My dad was an alcoholic and a mean drunk. Once my mom found the courage to leave him, we moved to an apartment complex, where I met our 27-year-old neighbor. His attention made me feel special. He said all the right things to a child who was already traumatized; I was so desperate for love and affection. When I was 17, my mom remarried. I then moved in with him. The 30-year-old predator ended up abusing me, and I stayed with him for two years. Eventually, he was offered a job in another state, but I didn’t go with him.”
" I wish I could say I catch impertinent but ca n’t because I did n’t . I meet another older military man , and the cycle continue . I aboveboard was the placard nipper for daddy issue . When I turn 23 , I finally broke the bicycle . I go to therapy and learned to hump myself rather than depend for someone to save me and make me find worthy .
" When I was 31 , I hook up with a man my old age . We have been get hitched with for 20 yr . I still suppose back to the days when I was in these awful situations , and I feel shame about them — but that shame does n’t belong to me . I can not believe how vulgar this is for girls . I want every dupe to know it ’s not your fault . "
— Justjacks
6.“After leaving school, I got my first job at 16 and was very mature for my age. All of the employees were as nice as you’d expect them to be to a young girl starting her first job. By the time I turned 17, I’d developed a good friendship with one employee in particular, and we began a relationship. Let’s call him Bob. Bob was 11 years older than me. He’d drive me home after the late shift. I thought he was perfect. He looked after me and did all the things you could want in a relationship. Seven months later, I came across a Facebook post claiming Bob was a pedophile. There were court papers — along with his picture — revealing that he had groomed a 14-year-old girl four years before meeting me. He was even registered as a sex offender. I was 17, distraught, and traumatized.”
" I thought I loved him , but look back , I can see that his behavior was bizarre . We would never go out together . He would never take me places . It was as if he was embarrassed to be seen with me . I sleep with now it was because he worry about people seeing us together . Many unknown affair happened in the ' relationship ' that , look back , substantiate he was a predator who took reward of young young woman — children .
" I ’m sharing my story now in hope that if a young girl determine this , it will open up her eyes so that she wo n’t descend dupe to a predator the way a lot of us have . These ' workforce ' do not wish for you or bang you ; you are just part of their sick game . "
— loz_001
7.“I grew up in the early 2000s, the era of online chats. I generally received a lot of attention from older men, but it really started when I was 14 and had an online relationship with a 36-year-old man. He was from Australia and used fake pictures (which wasn’t evident at the time). A year later, I met a 35-year-old man from MSN Chat but didn’t pursue anything because I was scared of being caught in a small town. In my 20s, I felt ashamed of my experiences and didn’t dare to tell anybody about them.”
8.“I was 11, in seventh grade, when I became close with my cousin’s 17-year-old friend. He’d flirt with me and call me in the middle of the night. When my older sister’s friends caught wind that I was sexting him and sneaking out to his house (three houses away), they gave him so much crap that he cut contact with me. When I was 13 (he was 20), he started talking to me again. We ‘dated’ and had ‘consensual sex.’ I thought I was mature and cool. When I turned 14, he got a job near my high school to easily pick me up. He was very controlling and obsessive. I was afraid to end things, so I started cutting out sex in hopes he’d want nothing to do with me. Nope. He stalked me and would follow me in his car when he saw me leaving my house. I feared asking my parents for help because I thought I’d get in trouble. My dad was an aggressive guy; I was afraid I’d get beaten. I hate his guts; it makes me feel so ugly inside when I remember him.”
" He would find fault me up from school when I did n’t require him to . He would n’t allow me hang out with my friends because he was distressed that boys my age would be there too . He would tell me that cleaning lady flirted with him and then ask if I was envious . He was so weird . He lived with his parent , who were okay with our age gap . His momma was 15 when she married his 22 - year - old dad — ' old time . '
" I wish I had been teach what relationships were appropriate . I wish I had parents who made me feel safe to go to them for help . Instead , I find so stuck . "
— jazmine8bl
9.“When I was 17, I had my heart broken by the also 17-year-old boy who took my virginity. I then went on a man bender and ended up dating a 24-year-old. I thought I was so cool. He was a huge loser who had no job and was (not) recovering from addiction. We fought constantly and had nothing but pot in common. I was such a rebel. When he refused to come to my high school graduation, I broke up with him. Clearly, he knew it wasn’t cool to date a 17-year-old.”
" Now I ’m in my 30 and happily married to the same - age son who take my virginity . "
— Hisbutt
10.“My mom worked at a pizza place my entire life, and I spent a lot of time there growing up. Once I turned 16, I got my first job there too. Throughout my teens, I had a massive crush on one employee. He and I flirted a lot over the next couple of years. I don’t remember how old I was when we got together, but I was definitely ‘legal,’ and he was probably around 40. He and his wife were separated and still shared a house — which I would visit — and I always thought she must have been such a bitch to leave him, because he was ‘so cool’! She definitely saw something in him that I couldn’t at the time. This guy literally watched me grow up over the last 18 years and still wanted to sleep with me.”
11.“I was 14 and in my first year at high school. He was 18 and a senior. He asked my parents for permission to date me. They weren’t thrilled but feared that if they said no, I’d rebel against them. I understand now that they were in a tough spot. We dated for a few months, and he was going away for college soon. He wanted to stay together even though I didn’t have a license — I was still 14 — and he was moving states away. One night, he made it clear he wanted to take my virginity; I was not ready. He sobbed and tried to convince me, but thankfully, some alarm went off in my head, telling me that this wasn’t normal. Instead, I broke up with him. He did not take it lightly.”
" I was still in my first year , and he would indiscriminately come by my family or societal case — where I was with my other friends in my mark — and implore for me back . He continued doing that for years after he graduate but finally block off . I ’m still so thankful that reality hit me before I was in too deep . "
— btaylor13
12.“At 19, I fell into a deeply toxic, controlling, and abusive relationship with a 27-year-old. Was it legal? Yes. Were we in wildly different places in our lives? Yes. Did he prey on my insecurities and naivete? Yes. He groomed, gaslit, isolated, and abused me. This lasted for more than two years. It ended with me staying in a shelter because he was stalking me. After going to the police for a restraining order, I found out his ‘crazy’ ex was also much younger than him and had received a restraining order as well.”
" Now that I ’m in my early 30s , I can see how creepy-crawly and mess up it all was . "
— deuxchats
13.“We did martial arts together and became friends a few months after I turned 18. He was 44. There’s a tradition in our gym tosafelychoke people out, administered by a professional; you go to sleep and wake back up feeling a sort of high, so people do it for fun. Once, a group of us were goofing off, and I got so loopy they worried about me getting home. He offered to make sure I got back okay, then became physical once we arrived. We dated for over three years. Nine months in, he became abusive. He cheated on me, locked me in his trunk and closet, punched and kicked me, etc. Being dumb, naive, and groomed, I did everything to stay with him, even becoming estranged from my family as they disapproved; I was convinced we had a magical, fairy tale romance and the world was against us. He put me in the hospital shortly after my 21st birthday. That night, I saw the light. Looking back, I hate myself and him for the pain and trauma he caused; it affects me to this day.”
" fortuitously , this ' relationship ' end when the gym moved farther from my house . He say he ’d keep in touching . That only lasted a few month . I was gravel and brokenhearted , but luckily , my sister lento made me see how bonk up it was and how much worse it could ’ve contract over time . "
" I ’ve never talked about this before because I did n’t finger it was a bad deal , but I still think it ’s important to share so other young girls can clear how vulnerable they are at that age . "
— LuluGonzalez
15.“I was 17, had just graduated from high school, and was starting my first job. He was 29 (12 years older than me) and my boss. He started showing interest in me a few months into the job. I felt ‘special’ because he was cute, well educated, and financially well off. All the girls used to talk about him. A couple of months later, our conversations became deeper. He started flirting with me and telling me how controlling his girlfriend was and how unhappy he was with her. He waited until I was 18 to kiss me and told me he dumped his girlfriend. We then started to meet in secret. I’d sneak out at 5 a.m. to see him. After we started having anal sex — he didn’t believe it was actually ‘sex’ — everything else started to fade, and the relationship became purely sexual. He’d text me when he wanted to see me, we’d sit for an hour, and that was it. He always tried to convince me — or himself, for that matter — that he was not my first.”
" I ’m 22 now , and look back , I waste almost two twelvemonth of my life-time on him . "
— Anonnnn _ _
16.“I was 14; he was 18. We worked at a fast-food restaurant together. He flirted, and I swooned. He went to college, so I’d sneak out of my house to see him when he was home on breaks. It started ‘innocently’ with kissing and cuddling. Then one night, he was drunk. I was 14 and lost my virginity to him. He told me he was my boyfriend, and I believed him. That summer, when I was 15, I sneaked out at night to see him. He was passed out drunk at his mom’s house. The cops picked me up for being out past curfew, and when I told them who I was going to meet, I got fined. He got nothing — his dad was an officer in our town.”
17.“I dated a 21-year-old when I was 16. I never realized how problematic it was until pretty recently, and I’m 28 now. I lost my virginity to him, and right after we finished, he said, ‘I bet I took your virginity, right?’ I was too embarrassed to admit he did, so I lied. His response: ‘Oh, damn, really? I thought that I did.’ It was as if he was disappointed. That summer, we spent almost every day together. Once he went to college, he wouldn’t talk to me for days. I finally got in touch with him and asked what was going on with us. He told me he thought he had made it pretty clear that our relationship would be over as soon as he left for school. I was heartbroken. Meanwhile, he started dating another super-young girl like me a few months later.”
" seem back , I actualize what a weirdy he was , and infer why my parents did n’t approve of our relationship ! "
— cmac9
18.“When I was 15, I met a guy in an internet chatroom who told me he was 18. I eventually found out he was actually in his 30s. He would tell me I was beautiful and so mature for my age, and that’s why he wanted me rather than someone his age. I was flattered because I had low self-esteem and had never had a boyfriend. We would go out, and he’d always want me to do sexual stuff (I was inexperienced and still a virgin). Looking back now as a 35-year-old woman, I realize he was grooming me. The onus wasn’t on me to know how to behave appropriately in that situation as a 15-year-old; it was on him as a predatory adult who was prowling chatrooms for underage girls.”
" Something awful could have happened to me , but luckily , I met a guy rope my own age and break thing off . "
— Beccar1987
19.“When I was 16, I met someone who said he was in his early 20s. At the time, I lived with my mom, who was going through substance abuse. It was easy to do as I pleased. He would only take me out at night to where no one would see us: hotels, his sister’s house when she was gone, and his truck in a park. It was always only sex — never a movie or going out to eat or anything. After a few months, he told me he was in love with me and confessed that he was almost 30. I look back now as a woman in my 30s, and I’m disgusted that he knowingly took advantage of a teenage girl in a bad home situation.”
20.“I was 15 and he was 19 when we started dating. I was desperate for love and attention, and I’d struggled with self-worth for years. After a few weeks, he began hounding me for more sexual discussions and nudes. He said, ‘I love you so much…if you love me, you’ll do it.’ I was a child and didn’t want to lose him, so I did it. I think I was barely 16 when it started. We dated for about six months until I broke up with him for someone local. Looking back, I know it’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done. To this day — he’s in his 30s now — he will randomly email me a nude of mine or send it via social media, just to remind me that he still has them.”
" He has n’t share them , to my knowledge , but the fact that I screw he still looks at them creep me out . "
— audreyunashamed
21.“I was 15 years old, and Yahoo still had their chatrooms up. I have always been bigger, and it has always held me back. I was always so jealous of my friends who had relationships and who people found attractive. I’d usually go to chatrooms to talk to guys and feel better about myself. I only met someone in person once. He was a cop who was twice my age. You think,Oh, a police officer, nothing can go wrong there. I lost my virginity to him in the front seat of a truck parked across from a park. I met him twice after that — one time at my house. I never realized how stupid I was. He never hit or abused me physically or verbally. He was 33 at the time. I’m 33 now. I play back many of those memories and think about how manipulative he was and how demented the scenario and my train of thought were then.”
22.“I was 15; he was 25. I lost my virginity to him. His mother tried to stop it, and I hated her guts. I felt like she was so manipulative. Now I realize how far I’d go to make sure my son doesn’t date a child. When I was 17, I dated a 27-year-old for one and a half years. The real kicker: At a barbecue a few years ago, my high school crush, a boy my age — who to this day is the one who got away — told me that he loved me throughout high school, but I was always talking about how I dated older guys. We’re both married with children now, but that gutted me. I could have been with him then. I remember what I was doing as a 15- and 17-year-old; I thought I was cool. What the fuck were those 25- and 27-year-olds doing?!”
" He ’s even better looking now too , with his silvern foxiness . "
— rainaf4e29d925f
23.“I met my 28-year-old manager when I was 16 and on meds for depression and anxiety. Everyone around him loved him and went on about how nice and thoughtful he was. We got together when I was 17. Two months later, the criticism started: I was too fat. My nose was too big. My clothes were ugly. I was wrong about everything. I thought he knew better than I did and that I was being overly sensitive. One of the worst parts is that my dad fully supported it and hasn’t shown any regret over it to this day, even though I told him it was abusive and weird.”
— Iris James
24.“I was 16 years old and crushing on my stepmother’s brother. He was in his late 20s or early 30s. The first night we went out, he took me to a strip club, got me served, and tried to have sex with me. I was a virgin but so in awe of him. Luckily, Aunt Flo was in town, so I said no. We fooled around, and he held me until we fell asleep. This went on for a few weeks, but thankfully, I never agreed to sex. The worst part, I realize now, is that the two times my stepmom caught me in his bed, I was the one in trouble. She said if it happened a third time, she would tell my dad and I would be in serious trouble.”
25.“I started ‘hanging out’ with my (now ex-) boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 26. I thought it wassoromantic that he waited until midnight of my 18th birthday to kiss me — so fucked up. My dad always refused to meet him, and looking back, I’m surprised his reaction wasn’t worse!”
" During that relationship , he stole my car , pressured me into coming back from my long - anticipate Europe trip early , and slip thousands of dollars from me . "
— Anonymous , Manitoba , Canada
26.“A 40-year-old married cop with kids asked me out every day from when I was 16 until he broke me down four months shy of my 18th birthday. He would sneak me and my best friend into bars to drink with him and his 43-year-old married cop partner. They would follow us home in their police cars when we’d drive home drunk. While he was on duty, we’d meet and make out in his car at a park in the dark. I thought I was so grown up. I bragged to a coworker about what was going on, and she threatened the cop with telling his wife. He never bothered me again. She also told my mom. I was mad back then, but thank god for her. She cared enough about me to help me. I hadn’t had sex with him, but I would have if it had gone on any longer because he was coercing and grooming me. He would’ve been the first man I had sex with, too.”
27.“I was 18 and in my first year at college. He was 36. I thought it was so cool to have an older boyfriend. What I realize now, at 34, is that I wasn’t cool; he was just creepy. He would introduce me to his friends as his 18-year-old girlfriend. Every time, he had to mention my age. Neither he nor any of his friends had anything in common with me. I felt so insecure because they were adults, and I wasn’t even old enough to go to a bar.”
— Ruth Bess
28.“I was 18 and he was 25. I started babysitting his kids when I was 17. They were all under age 7, but he had a stepdaughter who was 13 — only five years my junior. As soon as I turned 18, he was all about me. He told me that he and his wife were separating, that he didn’t love her anymore, and that he wanted me. I thought his wife was crazy for getting angry with me.”
29.“I was 13 when I formed a relationship with a man eight years older than me (then 21–22). We met through his then-girlfriend; I was like her little sister. At her request, I began chatting with him. She used me as the intermediary when they’d fight. He and I ended up becoming close, and before I knew it, I truly believed I was in love. I’d lie to my parents to sneak out and see him. He never pressured me to do anything and was the kindest, most caring person. When I was 15, we spent our first night together on New Year’s Eve. I didn’t know he intended to get me drunk to have sex. I ended up getting too drunk, though, and got sick. He cared for me and made me feel safe, further influencing my love for him. Over nearly 20 years, we never ‘dated’ officially, but I did have sex with him when I was 25. Now I’m 32 and just realizedlast yearthat this man was a predator.”
" I ’ve ruined many relationships in an attempt to be with him , and I ’ve injure a lot of people because of him . I finally cut ties with him in 2019 .
" In a style , I was under his control for most of my young grownup life because I was never able-bodied to let go of that relationship . The relationships and bonds you make when you ’re that young stay with you , so it ’s of import to assure you are forming bonds with the appropriate people . "
— Anonymous , New York
30.“I was legally an adult but still a teen when I dated my recently divorced boss, who was 24 years older than me. I was looking for a casual good time, and we both liked to travel, so it was fun. It went over my head that he was too old for me; he was closer to my maturity level than others his age. A few months in, I realized he had a significant drinking problem and I tried to get out, but (shocker) my job was threatened. He then became emotionally, psychologically, and sexually abusive. I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and dropped out of school due to my mental state. I took a work-approved, international internship to get away, but he disclosed our relationship out of spite, and I was fired. He received no consequences and soon dated another employee younger than me. The age difference didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. Now I look back and think,What kind of degenerate, emotionally stunted creep…?!Even if it’s legal, it’snot okay!”
" There were no policies around date at my body of work . Ultimately , I ended up staying overseas for nearly a decade . He still drunk - dials me once a year and leaves a voicemail about how delightful he found the times he sexually round me . ( He ’s barricade and , yes , I ’ve changed issue , but that piece of s#$% is foxy . ) "
— Anonymous , California
31.“I was 15. He was 42. I was in a really bad place mentally when he found me. He made me feel so beautiful at first and then as if I was losing my mind. He wanted me to stay up all night talking to him, even when I had school. When I did talk to him, he’d accuse me of texting someone else. He also hated that I wouldn’t send nudes. Since I refused, he made me have phone sex — yes,mademe. He constantly threatened me. First he threatened to tell my mom. Then he threatened to hurt my mom. Afterward, he said he knew where I lived and threatened to take me away if I didn’t do what he wanted. He even made a Facebook profile using edited photos of my face. I was terrified. But when he wanted to be, he was kind and made me feel special. He knew that I was fat and had a disability but still claimed to love me. He said he’d be the only one who ever loved me, and I believed him. After all, what teenage idiot would date someone who wasn’t a supermodel?”
32.“I met the high school soccer coach of a different school at a graduation party for one of his players. I had just graduated, and we dated for that summer before I left for college. His friends never wanted him to bring his ‘high school girlfriend’ around, especially because his best friend taught at another local high school. I hated them for it at the time. Now I relate much more to his friends. I’m 27 now, and if one of my friends were dating an 18-year-old, I’d be very uncomfortable with that friend bringing their partner to parties I was hosting.”
33.“When I was 17, I met a man who was 30. He quickly gained my trust and pushed himself into my life as the one I should turn to for everything, and the only one who understood me. While we were ‘friends,’ he would list why others my age were too immature for me and how they couldn’t give me the freedom and responsibility I ‘needed.’ To his friends, I was some joke prize. They’d clap him on the back for having a young girlfriend. He eventually got me pregnant and stuck in a toxic, abusive relationship. He then exploited my age as the reason I didn’t understand what real relationships were like. He made me think I couldn’t leave him because if I did, it proved that I was the child he thought I was, who couldn’t handle an adult relationship.”
" He cut me off from menage and friends . Again , he ’d use their immatureness as a reason to get rid of them — despite him being just as , if not more , immature . He would apologise after being opprobrious , prey on my emotions , and affect to call out , only to carry on the abuse as shortly as the dust had settle .
" I finally start out , but it took me until my 20s — when he was nearing 40 — to recognize how much of a hold he had over me , how he had groomed me for this when I was too young to understand what I was commence into , and how uncollectible this was . "
— Anonymous , UK
34.“I was a junior in high school, and he was my 28-year-old boss at my first job. We got along right away. Little by little, we began texting more intimately and sexting. A close coworker noticed our flirty ways at work and told me to stay away from him and that he was bad news. I didn’t want to get him in trouble, so I denied it, but he got fired for something else work-related. After his firing, I found out he had done this previously to another girl I went to high school with who also worked at this job. That’s when I realized that this was his thing: He preyed on high school girls. He knew how to gain our trust in a new situation and made us feel comfortable and included. I still find myself thinking back on what a creep this guy was and how wrong it was for someone that much older to prey on younger staff.”
— Anonymous , Illinois
35.“I was 18 when I met a 50-year-old man on FetLife, a social network for BDSM. He knew I was overweight, poor, insecure, and curious about BDSM, so he manipulated me. He was into terrible things. I will never forgive myself; I thought I was smarter than this. I grew up extremely skeptical of strangers, particularly older men. This man forced me. He gaslit and manipulated me badly. I felt like I owed him my body and time, and that’s when I realized I needed to get out if I wasn’t able to stand up for myself. I’m trying to forgive myself, but it’s humiliating. I’ve never heard of an age gap that extreme.”
" I felt like as a grown woman , I should be able-bodied to say no , and if I could n’t , then I did n’t have any business in these relationships . "
— sleepingclaire
36.“He was my assistant basketball coach. I met him when I was 15. It wasn’t until I was 17 and in my senior year that we worked together consistently enough to develop a relationship. He was 23. It started near the end of basketball season, and I kept it a total secret. We would meet up in parking lots to make out. I confided in a close teammate who was very close with our coach, and she got so angry with me that she cried. She accused me of ruining her future coaching relationship with him and told our entire team. The season had ended by then, but it blew up my senior year. Everyone hated me except my closest friends, who were on my side. I lost long-term friendships, and even our head coach — best friends with our assistant — told me to apologize to my teammates. I realized then that I was not in the wrong and that my coach was the one who bore responsibility for what happened. It greatly impacted who I am as a person in my adulthood.”
37.“I don’t know a girl who hasn’t experienced unwanted attention from an older man. For me, it was Gavin. He was a 21-year-old who worked at the bowling alley. He paid me and my girlfriends (14–15) a lot of attention, which we vied for. He particularly liked me, much to the disgust of my friend. Eventually, he asked me out — by ‘out,’ I mean to the apartment he rented with his girlfriend. She was at work, so he put on soft porn. I was uncomfortable, and he encouraged me to give him a blowjob. Halfway through, I stopped and said I didn’t like it, but he persisted, so I continued. It was horrible. I wish I could go back and stop myself. I saw him and his girlfriend years later and hid as if I was guilty. It makes me so sad. My female family members said male attention was what we all aspired to get because that’s what society says women should want — because I wanted that.”
38.“I was 16. He was the 33-year-old supervisor (my boss’s boss) at my first job. I was shy, not popular in school, and always wore ribbons in my hair. Every time he’d visit our store, he’d compliment my ribbons, and we’d make small talk. Then he started coming to the store just to train me. I was getting to do classes and seminars that I was handpicked for to further my development. I liked the attention. When I was on the verge of 18, he invited me to a Christmas party that was only meant for upper management. I thought I was doing a great job and that’s why I was invited. At the party, he made a pass at me, and I went with it because I was so manipulated. Now I see that he groomed me into thinking he was a ‘nice guy who cared about my development.’ Looking back, it was so obvious that he was predatory and grooming me.”
39.“At 16, I worked my first job at a supermarket and got attention from a few male employees in their late 20s. Like most girls in the ’00s, I grew up with media confirming that attention from men is always flattering. I didn’t know any better; I thought it was great to be pursued and flirted with, especially if the men were older, as I must be ‘so grown up.’ I went on a few ‘dates’ with a 27-year-old — mostly trips to random places where we’d stay in the car, chat, and kiss. In retrospect, we didn’t go out because of how odd it looked. He eventually stopped working at the store, but we kept seeing each other and slept together. Around that time, I started to meet boys my age at college and realized how strange our relationship was, so things ended. I’m now 30, and I see it was messed up. I didn’t know any better at that age, but he did! He was a 27-year-old who actively pursued a barely legal teen.”
40.“I was 16. He was 26. I pursued him relentlessly, but he went along with it. He didn’t let things get physical until I was 18 and ‘had some more experience’ because he didn’t want to be responsible for being my first anything. It was supremely messed up for a man 10 years my senior to behave in such a manner. I know I looked much older, and I know I acted as if I knew what the world was about, but I was a child. He should have patted me on the head and moved on.”
" I only had my mom , who worked all the time , because my father snuff it when I was 9 . I look back on it all now at 35 — how many years I wasted pining for him , how he indulged me , and how he encouraged the attention . I felt so exceptional that he was paying attention to me . "
— sarahg139
Hopefully, these accounts have helped raise awareness of how common this experience is for girls. If you’ve had similar experiences, we hope these women’s stories have reminded you that you’re not at fault or alone. If you’d like to share your own thoughts or stories, leave your comment below.
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